It Was Radically Simple But Huge — I Started Eating 3 Meals A Day

It seems odd to think that something as seemingly obvious as eating three meals a day could radically change your life. But if you're someone who has spent years fighting daily with disordered eating practices, the idea has probably already triggered some sort of response within you.

You see, for years my hours, days, and weeks were organized around controlling my food, my exercise, and my body weight and shape.

These practices removed me mentally, emotionally, and physically from engaging and being present in day-to-day life. Days were organized around what I could eat, what I couldn’t eat, where I could eat, where I could buy the foods I could eat, when I needed to exercise, and where I could exercise.

Eating disorders strip away all aspects of normal daily living, transforming each passing day into an internalized battle — one in which each calorie and stair climbed is tracked, numbers dancing wildly in the mind.

The deeper into this world you enter, the more you leave behind reality and physical and emotional presence in the "real" world.

Before recovery, my life was dictated by where, when, how, and what I could or couldn’t eat. Finally surrendering to eating three meals a day, every day, was both the scariest and most freeing step I had to take toward getting back a life worth living.

Although there have been many elements involved in my recovery from my eating disorder, eating three proper meals a day (and snacks when needed) has brought a huge amount of freedom into my life.

I don’t have to fight through the day on willpower, or spend all afternoon making trips to the fridge. I don’t have to become weak from low blood sugar only to devour half the kitchen cupboard later on.

There are definitely moments I struggle — days I don’t want to eat or meals I feel I will never be able to stop eating; times when I eat consecutive snacks or seek out food to alleviate feelings of boredom, anxiety, stress, or fatigue.

I have to forgive myself for these times and constantly remind myself that my body is not my enemy. I've spent years treating it as a loathsome thing to be conquered and mercilessly torn apart.

My body is a lot wiser than I am and more complex than my mind will ever fully grasp. This is a daily reminder because my default mode is to criticize and condemn my body.

But just as it took time for me to surrender to eating normal-sized, balanced meals, I trust that the journey of self-love and self-acceptance is happening in its own time as well.