Skip to content

17 Ways To Shed Negativity And Achieve Happiness

Cynthia Belmer
February 22, 2013
Cynthia Belmer
Author, Self-love Coach
February 22, 2013

How many of us feel complete self-love and self-compassion? How many of us take care of our own needs and rely on the way we look at ourselves instead of seeing who we are through the eyes of our partners or our tribe? How many of us live from our core beliefs instead of living through what everyone is expecting of us?

Learning self-love and overcoming the barriers you've built against yourself are the greatest secrets to living happily. Self-love can bring you closer to inner truth and allow you to attract and create the happiness you deserve in your relationship, career, and life. Self-love will bring peace, love, fulfillment, satisfaction, significance, groundedness, freedom, maturity, wisdom, and magic into your life.

This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.

Here are 17 self-love steps that you can begin today to attract the love and happiness you want in your life:

1. Get to know who you are.

Imagine yourself walking down the street with each one of your values. How do you feel? What do you notice? How are you expressing yourself? This will help you identify yourself through your own eyes instead of through the eyes of others.

2. Be true to yourself. 

You can only speak your truth and express who you are when you are 100% honest with yourself first. Sometimes we discover things we don't necessarily like about ourselves, but you can spend your life complaining about your weaknesses, or you can choose to shift your attention to your strengths.

3. Take care of your needs.

We often do what others need so we can feel good about ourselves through the way they react to our action. This causes us to live our lives through the eyes of others and not from our core. Instead, take a look at what your needs are. What is the ONE thing you can do today that would make you feel more loved? For example, you can cook for yourself, take a hot bubble bath, meditate, clean your room, or go wild listening to your favorite band.

4. Learn to breathe.

We have a tendency to pressure ourselves into doing things quickly. Step back a little bit and watch yourself in action. What is the worst thing that could happen if you don't get your tasks done immediately? Would you rather stay overwhelmed or would you rather enjoy your journey as you are completing your tasks?

5. Be patient with yourself.

Have self-compassion. Your role models probably worked their butt off to get to where they are now, so be patient, take your journey step-by-step, and enjoy how life is unfolding for you. You miss out on so much in life when you beat yourself up. Patience is key to discovering the beauty of the mystery that every moment brings to you.

6. Meditate.

We are not in our body when we are constantly thinking. By calming the mind, we connect to our deepest self, and through connecting to our deepest self we unfold the mystery of our own happiness.

7. Chant silently.

No matter what kind of religion or spirituality you follow, chanting is transcendental and a wonderful way to speak positive affirmations to the world. Take any mantra, prayer, or positive words and repeat them out loud, then say them silently within you. By chanting silently, you learn to listen and strengthen the bond with your intuition.

8. Listen to your inner child.

The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It is the voice of the needs that have not been met ever since we were kids. It talks to us about fear, hurt, and the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for. So when you are in a challenging situation, step back for a moment and ask your inner child, "What is really hurting me right now? What do I really want?"

9. Count your blessings.

We all have SO many blessings in our lives that we tend to take them for granted. Count every single thing you have in your life and be thankful for it. It could be as simple as being grateful for drinking water whenever you want. Practicing gratitude helps us find more meaning and appreciation in our everyday life.

10. Accept your feelings.

Pain is part of life, and accepting what you feel right now is the first step towards your happiness. You may be angry and in so much pain, you might be regretting what you have done in the past. Allowing yourself to feel helps you identify the root cause of your disappointment and the moment you understand this feeling, you shift towards discovering what you want in life and how to get it.

11. Do one act of kindness everyday.

Say something nice to a colleague or family member and show appreciation to people around you. This is a great way to start acknowledging the goodness in yourself and reflecting it in others.

12. Build your support system.

You don't have to hang out with people who don't make you feel good about yourself. You have a choice, so find people who think like you, who are positive, who show support, who are grateful, and who reflect the quality that you want to have in your life.

13. Work with your fears.

We all have fears that have been engraved within us ever since our childhood. Understanding your fears and allowing them to surface will help you work through them. When you repress and reject your fears because of unrealistic expectations of being perfect that society imposes on us, you will be granting more power and control to your fears.

14. Build your own spiritual practice.

It doesn't matter if you belong to a group or a religion, having your own spiritual practice is a great reminder to connect with yourself to surrender to what is right now. Your ritual could be as simple as setting up an incense, setting an intention, saying positive words to yourself and to people, saying your favorite prayer, practicing yoga, meditation, and so on.

15. Recognize the love that is within you.

You are made of of love, you are love, and love rules Earth. No matter how much you try to beat yourself up or indirectly hurt others, know that in your heart you are seeking love in every moment you live. The only guarantee you have in life is that you can give love without expecting anything in return. Be the love that you want to experience in your life and in your relationship.

16. Forgive and let go of the past.

Beating yourself up and blaming your unhappiness on the past will trigger more suffering in your life. You know you have a purpose in your life, so you have a choice: let the past haunt you and inflict more suffering in your life, or forgive yourself.

17. Smile.

Smiling is healing for the heart, the mind and the body. Certain experiences can bring a smile to our face, and sometimes a smile can truly shift a negative emotion to a positive one. It is a simple way to heal yourself and bring a smile to other people's faces.

You can stop and overcome the barriers that are preventing you from getting what you want. You are strong and you are love in your own nature, so how are you going to use these strengths to create the happy life and loving relationship you want?

If you have got stories, tips and suggestion about this topic, leave them in the comments box below. I would love to hear from you!

This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
Cynthia Belmer
Cynthia Belmer
Author, Self-love Coach

Cynthia Belmer has been on the self-love journey for over 8 years. Her job is to help women end their stress by realizing that they're already what they're looking for in life: love and strength.

In 2006 Cynthia began her quest to finding answers to "who am I" which led her to questioning her stressful beliefs about her life experiences in relationships (self, romantic and personal ones) and in spirituality.

Since then, Cynthia has coached countless women from all over the world and led workshops that helped individuals find gifts in their negative experiences and turn their focus towards the loving voice that has always been ready to give them happiness in life.

Although Cynthia has been coaching for many years, she still considers herself a student of self-realization. She's a self-love coach, author of Life Without Approval and an inspirational speaker.

Contact her directly on her website: