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The True Meaning Of Love From A Buddhist Perspective

David Starlyte
February 14, 2013
David Starlyte
Written by
February 14, 2013

Have you ever truly madly fallen in love?

I did.

What does it mean to fall in love, or be in love, or even stay in love?

In Buddhism, striving for that which is outside of our true nature is seen as wasteful. Arbitrarily seeking fulfillment in another is an attachment based on a craving which will always ultimately end in suffering. Perhaps in this searching one can take one step closer to finding one’s true nature, one’s true vocation, one’s true purpose.

Time is so short, the memories are fading away. Truth is a cascade of moments. Enjoy the breath, flowing in and out ceaselessly like the waves on the shore in timeless perfection. This is the only true reality.

Even if you die for your lover, is that not sacrificing something that is not yours to give?

In loving you, I love myself, but in loving myself, selfishly I neglect you.

In living for you, I forget my own needs.

When the love of your life leaves you, how can you not be left empty? But can love leave a wound and why should emptiness leave you bereft?

How can real love devastate you when real love is the absence of superficial egoic needs, the absence of falsehood, and all real love is the presence, and the present? With love, there can be emptiness, but no feeling of emptiness.

Can you actually remove love…can it ever be extinguished or forgotten?

If love is the presence, the sacred consciousness, the Divine expansiveness, is it possible to subtract from it, remove from it, and delete it from your consciousness? Is it possible to forget it? Love is an experience of being whole.

When we link it to another, we become dependent on that other for the fulfillment or satisfaction of our love fantasy. True love does not require a vehicle for its fulfillment or expression. Real love is not demanding.

Another way to look love is within the context of the first of Buddha’s noble truths: "life is dukkha."

Dukkha is divided into:

1. Suffering

2. Change

3. Conditioned states

A brief exploration of Dukkha:

1. Suffering

Consciousness as the created form, or the potentiation of thoughts, fills the universal ether. This immediately creates an existential loneliness, which can never be entirely filled until it (the creation) is no longer separate from the formlessness of Divine consciousness. This separation is loneliness. This is the suffering part of dukkha – the separation from God.

2. Change

This world of created forms, and as yet uncreated potential is always changing. As we enter it, we change, and eventually pass through it, to the beyond. One thing is certain – the fluid of life is a changing stream.

3. Conditioned states

We are affected by everything around us. Energy created can never be destroyed; it is merely transferred or transformed to evolve into a new form. Thus everything that is affects everything else that is. The spider weaves its web, creating a living matrix of awareness.

We experience romantic love within the context of these three aspects of creation.

We suffer most when we are in fear. Sometimes the pain can seem insurmountable…we can seem alone in the vast expansive universe. Yet, at its core, suffering is an illusion.

Our fear of suffering is often far worse than the suffering itself.

To be identified with something outside of yourself, is to invite suffering. Suffering is derived from perceiving a loss.

Authentic love is whole, complete and in essence, beyond suffering. The absence of love is suffering. The illusion of loss leads to suffering. When something dies, you don’t lose it, because you never owned it. We suffer most when we are attached to the illusion. True love does not leave a wound when it is lost, because true love can never be lost.

Once created, “it” exists forever within the unity of the Divine sphere. The divine conversation of love is something beyond a mere notion or discussion; it is ALIVE, filled with the budding possibility of a butterfly about to open its wings for the first time.


Ceaselessly searching for the ultimate feeling of completion. That which is searched for exists already within.

O lovers, what are you looking for?

You already have it.

Today, don't wish it was another day. Wish it was today. Then you will realize yourself already blessed.

This is true of love: don't wish for something that already is within. For in the final analysis, one cannot fall in love with that which is outside of the self – one's true nature is already love.

So falling in love is really just coming back home.

Enjoy the paradoxes. And most importantly, keep falling in love!

David Starlyte author page.
David Starlyte

David is the founder of Metamorphosis Retreat. A Naturopath, Wellness Specialist, Soul-Coach, he creates personalized packages for corporates and individuals seeking wellness solutions and adventure travel for the soul. For more information, you can email him: