The Secret To Ensuring Your New Year's Resolutions Actually Stick
Looking for a way to give your New Year's resolutions more longevity? Most big, transformative change happens day by day, one step at a time. Self-love is one thing that can help increase your stamina to keep showing up for those marathon manifestations. Here are a few tips for infusing your goals with self-love so they become easier to accomplish:
1. Keep your resolution(s) simple.
Come up with an umbrella statement for your New Year's resolution, like "I no longer people-please to get affection" or "I'm showing myself love with healthy financial decisions." When you want to make a big change, it can be helpful to first write pages in your journal about your emotions or have long talks with a good friend or counselor about the origin of old patterns. Then, you can pare that statement down to something simple and actionable to make it easier to connect with every day.
Self-love is a simple concept—loving yourself unconditionally. Making something too complicated can be a recipe for self-sabotage, while keeping it simple is a loving act that helps you make progress—and making progress increases motivation!
2. Pause before you say yes and no.
It's a very loving act to give yourself a beat, or longer, before agreeing or disagreeing to something. This allows you to quickly tune into your intuition about a decision to discern what feels best. It also gives you the chance to mentally consult your resolutions to see which option matches up with your intentions for the year.
3. Collect some go-to self-love affirmations.
Play with first-person affirmations, like the ones in my 2022 A Year of Self-Love calendar, that are general and inspire compassion for yourself during the ups and downs of enacting big changes. "My own self-care is one of my top priorities this year" or "No matter what, I meet myself with love" are great places to start. Being loving with yourself, even when you're holding yourself accountable, is how you bring out the best in yourself. If you struggle with positive self-talk, self-love affirmations can create new pathways in your mind that lead to a more loving emotional destination.
4. Partner with discipline to set loving boundaries with yourself.
Part of self-love is the desire to keep yourself safe, and self-discipline offers amazing security. Having a healthy relationship with discipline allows you to better meet your own needs instead of relying on others who may not be able to show up for you as reliably. This is the same principle behind self-love—when you get better at becoming a consistent source of love for yourself, you have a reserve of affection you can tap into anytime.
Build in healthy rewards, like buying yourself a small treat when you meet your monthly savings goal, taking a week away from the novel after you write the first chapter, or getting a massage after making it through a family gathering as your authentic self. Keeping discipline in a healthy state of balance—instead of a punishing experience—turns self-discipline into a powerful, welcome ally.
5. Don't beat yourself up for backsliding.
It's very normal to find yourself occasionally taking one step forward and two steps back when trying to create big changes in your life or shift and heal old patterns. Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself, "What's the next right action?"
When you meet yourself with harsh judgment and shame, you can actually create more of the negative patterns you are wanting to shift, change, and heal. Keep moving and looking forward, always with compassion for yourself.
6. Make sure your "why" reflects self-love.
There could be a number of healthy reasons why you've settled on a particular resolution, like wanting to be of greater service to others or wanting to stretch yourself and see what you're capable of. Connecting with your "why" helps you stay motivated, and your "why" is always more impactful when it involves self-love. Discern how your resolution will be nourishing or healing for you.
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