A Meditation To Improve Your Sex Life
When most people think of meditation, they think of it as a vehicle for clearing the mind and finding inner peace. The truth is that meditation is good for so much more than just achieving enlightenment.
In my 20-plus years of regular daily practice, I've used meditation for myriad issues. It's been a way to help me forgive people who've wronged me, find comfort during childbirth, maintain post-baby weight loss, and to have better sex with my husband.
Yes, meditation can improve your sex life. You can connect more fully with your partner and feel sexier in your skin just by getting quiet with your thoughts. You don't have to be flexible or hang upside down in weird positions to feel all the feels of a juicy sexual experience. You just need to take a few moments to tune in and let go of any interference.
Here's what you need to know.
Orgasms start at breakfast.
I'm not normally a woman who turns on immediately or easily. If I'm having a bad day, it's pretty much guaranteed that sex isn't going to be on the menu at bedtime. That's why I make it my intention (and my responsibility) to welcome intimacy, starting as soon as I wake up.
I greet my husband with a smile and a "good morning." Throughout the day I give and receive affection in the form of compliments, playful touch, hugs, and kisses. I put my phone away and make eye contact with him (the eye contact is powerful). The intention that I set at the beginning of my day allows me to easily participate in this preparation, and it all starts in a quiet moment of meditation.
If sex (or intimacy) is something I want for myself that day, I make up my mind to be a magnet for it. And this doesn't just mean making myself more attractive to my partner. I want to be a magnet for my own desires, too, pulling them out from hiding and allowing them to show up in a big way. During my morning meditation, I repeat a mantra—either silently or out loud—that puts me in the mood for love: "I'm ready to feel good in my body today. I'm a magnet for physical touch that makes me feel incredible in my skin."
Then, throughout the day, I revisit my intention and that mantra. This keeps me open to and excited about a physical encounter.
A relaxed body is a sexy body.
Climbing into bed with the weight of the world on your shoulders doesn't lend itself to being receptive to romance. You want space to explore each other, so make sure you leave the emotional baggage outside the bedroom door.
I'm not saying that you have to be completely stress-free to enjoy sex, but you don't want to be running through your grocery list over and over in your head in the heat of the moment. A distracted partner isn't sexy, and being distracted robs you of your own pleasurable moments too.
Try this meditation at some point in your day BEFORE the anticipated hookup:
Find a warm, quiet place where you can sit still and undisturbed for just a few minutes. Sit comfortably with your legs crossed or in a chair with both feet flat on the floor. Close your eyes and bring your attention to your easy inhales and exhales. With each inhale, imagine a fiery red-orange light filling your entire body. With each exhale, see the light dim and feel all tension leave your body. Repeat this breath cycle, and imagine the fiery light growing warmer and brighter with every inhale. After about 10 breath cycles, repeat this mantra three times (either at the end or with each exhale of the three final breath cycles): "I am worthy of feeling good. My body is ready for pleasure."
Remember that sex is actually a great time to meditate.
Like I said before, sex is not the time to be writing your shopping list. Anything that takes you out of that awesome moment with your partner is a disservice to your pleasure and theirs. But sex can be a time to use meditation to bring you back to the sacred now.
Use one or more of these techniques to connect and let go during sex:
- Treat your moan like an OM. Vocalize your pleasure and consciously send the vibration of your voice to all parts of your body. You may find it wakes up pleasure spots that you might not even know exist. Feel it in your lips and your fingertips. Let the vibration fill your whole body and relax any tension away. (Actually saying "OM" may or may not freak out your partner. Your mileage may vary, so decide what you're both comfortable with!)
- Use a silent mantra to be here now. If you feel yourself being carried away to another place by your thoughts, bring yourself back to the present with a silent mantra like this: "I am here. This feels amazing. I surrender to this moment."
- Practice connection with eye contact. This might feel super hard for you, because staring into the eyes of your lover can be a powerful experience. Just as you would focus your eyes on an object and then soften your gaze when practicing eyes-open meditation, you can focus just on your partner's right eye and have them focus on your right eye. This acknowledgment of each other is an electric affirmation of your togetherness in this moment.
If you're still feeling like meditation has nothing to do with sex and vice versa, remember this: Meditation is about connecting you to yourself and the universe around you. It's a way of leading you to be more open and receptive to everything amazing life has to offer, and sex is definitely one of life's amazing things.
Taking the time to get in touch with your higher self and your needs, and allowing yourself to relax is always worth the effort. Meditation is taking time out to be in service to yourself—to your happiness, and to your success in everything. Meditation is self-care and that self-care is how you teach others how to treat, love, and respect you.
When you stop to think about it, sex is simply a physical expression of love, so why not commit to loving yourself enough to fulfill your intimate desires and needs? Consider it a moving meditation that connects the minds, bodies, and spirits of both people. It also allows you to connect with your partner and that connection helps to keep us vulnerable yet powerful, and fully in the moment. Make it a part of your practice to regularly connect in as many ways as possible—including sexual connection.
Then, just watch. You'll find more and more good things and pleasurable experiences come your way. Abundance attracts more, so don't be afraid of an abundance of sexual satisfaction and connection.
Rebekah "Bex" Borucki, founder of BexLife® and the Blissed In® wellness movement, is a mother of five, TV host, meditation guide, author, speaker, birth doula, fitness and yoga instructor, and popular social media personality. Her first book, You Have 4 Minutes to Change Your Life, was released by Hay House in February 2017.