How Being Present In Your Grief Can Help You Move Beyond It

The fabric of humanity is made of many threads of emotional experience. One of those is grief. None of us are exempt from the grips of grief, and at some point on the journey of life, we’ll be faced with the death of a dear friend, parent, pet, spouse, or child. And actually, it’s this shared sense of grief that exists as the common denominator between human hearts. Grief penetrates the depths of our hearts, sinking into the recesses of our inner life. The path of mindfulness offers us a powerful way to turn toward our darkness to reignite our light for living.

Grief is like a cloud that dims our heart’s natural radiance. But it’s the courage to be present that dictates our true power to transform our relationship with grief and loss. Mindfulness is all about cultivating an intimate relationship with the present moment, intentionally and without judgment. Research shows1 that mindfulness can help move individuals through the stages of grief, decreasing anxiety and depression. When grief’s darkness comes upon us, mindfulness can help us return to our true selves.

The extent to which we’re willing to own our emotional responses to life, is the extent to which we can experience the true joy of life. Vulnerability is a practice of mindfulness, as it takes our intention and attention to turn toward grief. The death of our loved ones cuts us to the primal core, leaving us lost and helpless, swimming in a sea of dark sadness. But the only way to reach the shore of serenity is by swimming through those dark waters. Our culture has conditioned us to feel ashamed of crying and expressing deep sadness. Even in the psychology world, there are these puzzling terms called “resolved grief” and “unresolved grief,” suggesting that somehow our grief dissipates automatically through a few sessions of therapy. As a mindfulness-based psychotherapist, I’m dedicated to demystifying the journey of grieving. We don’t resolve grief; we transform with it. In fact, grief can be the catalyst for awakening if we own the courage of vulnerability by feeling, seeing, and honoring our darkest moments.

It’s easy to keep ourselves numb by diving headfirst into everyday life. It takes tremendous strength to turn inward, toward our sensitive spaces. There’s a power that comes when we proactively choose to be still and silent to honor where we are emotionally. Feelings are meant to be felt, and whatever we resist persists. Mindfulness practices such as formal sitting meditation or simple mindful belly breathing can help us find strength in embracing our sensitivity. Today, I carry each moment, each joy, each smile that my mom and I shared together through this crazy journey we call life; the moments we did share will eternally define the relationship I had with my mother—not the moments we lost. And through the depths of our suffering, mindfulness reconnects us to our wholeness, oneness, and joy—even in the face of grief. This liberation is oftentimes just one breath away.