Why Some People Have Control Issues In Relationships, From A Psychologist

Just as a refresher, controlling behavior can include a number of different behaviors, including always needing to be the one who makes all the decisions and plans, using passive-aggression to make people do what you want, or just outright dictating what another person can do, say, or even wear.

No matter what is specifically being controlled, controlling behavior is always about maintaining authority or power over people and situations, often to the point that the person being controlled is treated as unimportant or disregarded completely.

According to somatic psychologist and author of Reclaiming Pleasure Holly Richmond, Ph.D., controlling behavior that rears its head in romantic relationships often comes from not feeling secure enough in yourself. Because of your insecurities, you try to control whatever you can—including other people.

For that reason, controlling behavior often looks like insecure anxious attachment, according to Richmond. Maybe you get anxious when your partner is out and about without you, for example, so you constantly ask where they are and what they're doing to keep tabs on them.

"Sometimes it can be fear of what's going to happen, and there's this bad movie playing in our head," Richmond previously explained to mbg, "but sometimes it's the not knowing."

So, "control issues" could also be thought of as fear of the unknown. A controlling person may not trust themselves enough or feel secure enough to handle what comes their way, so they grip tightly on the things they can control.