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10 Steps To Start Healing After A Bad Breakup

Eddy Baller
October 24, 2014
Eddy Baller
Written by
Photo by Shutterstock
October 24, 2014

If you're going through a breakup and feeling the sting of loss, you can take charge of your emotions and embark on the journey to recovery. Hitting rock bottom can be traumatizing, but you can recover faster if you start focusing your energy differently.

Ultimately, the thing we control best is ourselves, but not if bad habits get in the way. The drama that typically accompanies breakups is something we cause. Sure, it may be unintentional, but we typically attract partners who not only match our strength, but also compliment our insecurities.

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Many men and women will try to save relationships that don't deserve to be saved. This is why the key to great relationships with others is cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself.

Breakups are difficult transitions, but with transitions come change. Getting over a breakup can be regarded as an opportunity to tap into our relationships with ourselves, so we can learn, eventually, to find partners to match our authenticity, inner strength and self-respect.

To alleviate your woes, here are 10 steps you can follow to improve the strength of your inner compass, and ensure that your next relationship better reflects the way you deserve to be treated…

1. Look inward

Consider the parts of yourself that you've been neglecting for your relationship. Focus your attention inward, and you will start discovering what you have been missing because of the tunnel vision you developed from your last relationship.

2. Ask yourself, "Who do I want to be?"

Be imaginative. Recognize your power to create a clear vision of the kind of person you want to become in your life. What kind of lifestyle does that include? What kind of personality would you have?

3. Identify bad habits

Undoubtedly, some of the habits you brought into your relationship were self-destructive. Whatever your habits are, know that it's going to take a concerted effort to identify them.

4. Imagine new, good habits.

From there, it will take time to figure out what kind of habits will help you become the kind of person you want to be. Only then can you begin the path to change these habits. It is a process, so be patient with yourself.

5. Try something different just because.

Make an effort to discover a new activity, just for fun, and try it. This will help you feel unstuck. You may not feel like doing anything at first but you will have to force yourself to get up and explore. Being stuck at home will increase your feelings of isolation and depression.

6. Work out — a lot.

Exercise can function like an antidepressant. This can feel hard to believe when you are in a state of depression — but don't let your feelings stop you from moving forward. Start with a 20 minute walk every single morning, without exception, and you will have built in a light workout to your routine. This is also an effective way to show yourself you can create new habits. That in itself is powerful.

7. Try a "coffee meditation."

Ever heard of coffee naps? A coffee nap is an awesome way to become more alert during the day. But my own variation — the coffee meditation — seems to be just as effective, or at least it still feels great.

Try drinking a cup of coffee right before laying down with your timer on 20 minutes. Use this time as an opportunity to re-charge and energize: let go of everything and focus on your breathing.

8. Remember how much you love your family and friends.

Connect with your family and friends. Nothing will make you feel so alone as actually being disconnected to the people close to you — who you've most likely known prior to the breakup. These people will remind you of a different kind of love, one that you can feel even during this hard time.

9. Do something that scares you.

Besides providing you with a momentary thrill, risk-taking will help you grow as a person. Risks can take the form of something simple such as conquering a social fear you have, like walking up to and starting a conversation with a stranger. Whatever the challenge is, it probably feels even scarier at this vulnerable time. That's why it's an even more perfect time to take a risk and show yourself you're capable of taking control of your life.

10. Set a big goal.

To achieve a big goal, you will need to have grit, determination, and consistency, and these can be strengthened along the way. This journey will help you take your attention off of your past relationship; instead, you'll be working on something which requires your attention.

By changing the tune of your life with these simple steps, you will allow yourself not only to consider further changes you want to make in your own life, but how you will want your future relationships to change to better suit your new-and-improved self!

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Eddy Baller
Eddy Baller

Eddy is a relationship and personal development coach who specializes in overcoming fear. He helps guys to crush personal obstacles and become the kind of men that women desire and men respect. He writes on the topics of dating, men's personal development, overcoming fear and anxiety, sex, and erotica. When he's not helping people blaze new paths in their lives he's traveling the world and telling bad jokes to his friends. Contact Eddy with questions or thoughts: you can find him at his website: