I Don't Need A Man To Bring My Sexy Back

Contributing writer By Judy Tsuei
Contributing writer
Judy Tsuei is a modern mystic storyteller based in Oceanside, California who uses the power of writing to manifest your limitless life. She has a bachelor's in both english and mass communication from UC Berkeley and has been featured in BBC Travel, Gaiam, Longreads, and many podcasts.
I Don't Need A Man To Bring My Sexy Back

I'm a powerful manifester. That's what everyone says — my craniosacral energy healer, my mind-body mentor, my yoga teachers, even me. What I've learned is that you can manifest the good stuff as much as the not-so-great.

Whatever you focus your attention on, that's what'll come to you.

"The Universe can't differentiate if you want this or that," says Gary, my big-hearted Scottish cranio guy. "It'll just give you more of what you're focusing on."

Whatever we're looking at, that's where the Universe is following suit, so it's up to us to make sure we're staring in the right direction. 

We know this.

But often, when it comes to love and dating, however, we're looking outward.

Our focus is all outside of us onto someone else. We're wondering if he likes us, if he thinks that we're sexy (especially under the covers), or even if he'll want to marry us.

As Laura Doyle, author of The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attractive and Marrying the Man Who's Right For You, writes, "Like children who look at their classmates' papers to see who's coloring in the lines, we sometimes look to a man expecting to find information that will help us make decisions about our own lives. When it comes to matters of the heart, though, the most valuable information will come from inside you."

I'm guilty of this, too. I worry so much about whether the object of my affections desires me in turn, that I forget to step back and check in to see if I even like him.

Recently, I met a guy who seems to be great in many arenas, except for a couple of game-changers that are crucial to me (like chivalry and generosity).

He's fun, active in all the sports I love to do, open to chatting about spiritual topics, loves to travel, and the list goes on.

But, when it comes to opening doors and letting me enter a building first — essentially treating me like a lady or preferably a queen — he lacks in that regard. This may not seem like such a big deal, but the problems are: (1) I've actually brought it to his attention and he hasn't done anything about it, and (2) I believe it's in the little things that reveal a big lot about a person.

Maybe another woman would overlook these things, maybe they're not such a big deal.

But for a recovering people-pleaser like me, who used to believe that my needs were not as important as my partner's, I'm taking a stand. I'm being clear inwardly and outwardly, because if I want someone to treat me like royalty, I have to remember to wear my crown.

I'm giving suitors several opportunities, but I'm also trusting my intuition and honoring what I ultimately want, because I believe my partner for life will want to do these things for the pure fact they make me delight.

Here's another reason it's important to me: because it is.

That's a reason that's good enough for men to do what they do and want what they want, so why not women? I've spent a lot of my adult life pretending to "not be that girl" who gets all neurotic until I realized that what I've really been doing in the end is promoting masculine (yang) energy, which means that I'm not letting my feminine (yin) energy come alive and thrive.

I. Am. A. Goddess.

It's taken me a very long time to admit that to myself, but frankly, I don't need a man to bring my sexy back.

I have it within me, and the more I acknowledge that simple fact, the more that other women around me will hopefully embrace their divine rights as well.

A friend of mine recently said that if we want to get married and have children, we're now at an age where we need to be selective about the person who we're focusing our energies on. (I'm 34.)

I understand that traditions have shifted and now there are all sorts of circuitous routes to get to where we eventually want to be. Just as our smart phones now give us different alternatives to get from point A to B, we still need to know where B is. Then, we can have fun getting there.

Now, when I get up in the morning, I get dressed to feel good for me. Lots of evenings, I put on hip hop tunes to dance scandalously in my room in front of a mirror, because I like feeling h-o-t.

If someone outside of me notices all of these things I'm doing to make myself happier, then all the better! Most importantly, when I'm genuinely content, my smile radiates from my lips to my heart changing my whole demeanor and when I feel empowered, I smile at everyone — male, female, toddler, puppy — because who knows what the Universe has in store.

All I know is that he's out there, and rather than chasing after him, I'm attracting him to me. 

When you're chasing after something, by its very definition, that thing that you're going after is running away from you.

Instead, stand still.

Look within. Give yourself permission to be bold and brilliant, always focusing on the light within, so you can illuminate the path for your right person to find you.

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