There is still a long way to go for my mother and me. We still have pain points to sift through, and it's not often pretty, but what happens on the other side is healing. Not just healing for me and her but for our entire family. The cycle of abuse is broken.
I used to say that if you can walk away from your own mother, you can walk away from anybody. This was my little line I used when I ended friendships and romantic relationships. Now I say that if you can forgive your mother, you can truly forgive anyone.
Without the difficult childhood I endured, I wouldn't be the spiritually hungry, empathetic, strong woman I am today. I have her to thank for that. If she had been a good mother I may have never thought to do the spiritual work I am so committed to doing daily. She was my abuser but also my greatest teacher, and for that my soul is grateful.
I am months away from marrying the man I was visiting in Atlanta that day I knocked on my mother's door. I sense that motherhood is just around the corner for me. I know exactly the kind of mother I'll be: the mother I never had but always deserved and also the mother my mother deserved. The healing will have come full circle. That is my hope and prayer.
I personally believe that we choose our families before our souls incarnate. We select the people who will mirror the lessons we hope to learn this time around. These relationships are karmic, but that doesn't mean they're rooted in darkness. I imagine it must have been painful for my mother's soul to agree to put her children through such a childhood.
When people come into our lives and they abuse us and neglect us, there is always a spiritual lesson to be learned. When we commit to seeing the lessons through, the pain dissolves, even when the memories remain. I don't regret the childhood I had because it made me who I am today. I forgave my mother and it set me free, and that's what we're here to do: liberate ourselves and each other.