I once had a moment that totally transformed my concept of relationships. I had been struggling with what felt like a life-shattering breakup. My four-year relationship, with a man I loved deeply, was coming to an end. And I was completely heartbroken.
The anxiety of losing him and the drastic life change that came with it created a feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away, no matter how I tried. And of course, as breakups tend to do, it came at one of the worst times possible—or so I thought. I was in the middle of my Reiki training and working six days a week doing hands-on healing. How on earth was I supposed to heal other people when I felt so utterly broken myself?
But the universe had a plan.
Reiki actually taught me a beautiful, powerful meditation to quickly heal my heart and my broken relationship. And it all came in an instant. I was sitting in class, desperately trying to hide the pain and turmoil I was experiencing from my Reiki master. I am never one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I always try to put on a brave face. But I knew this time it was futile. I was stuck in a class with five psychics. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to let my walls down.
As we went around the room to start the hands-on practice, I felt my heart racing. My teacher approached me, and I knew there was nothing I could do to hide what was going on inside of my heart. I felt completely vulnerable knowing that someone would really feel and see what I was going through.
As he placed his hand on my shoulders, I felt my body get hot and cold. A chill ran through me, and I knew he had felt my pain. He took a moment, stepped back, looked at me with kind, inquisitive eyes, and without me ever saying a word he taught me something so simple yet profound that it completely transformed the way I saw every relationship in my life.
He explained to me that relationships have their own energy and their own traits. They cannot be controlled. They are much like a third person or a child. He explained that as much as we feel we are in our relationships, we are not—they are outside of us. Then he instructed me on a simple meditation to heal my relationship and let go of my pain and suffering.
A transformative meditation.
My teacher instructed me to go home, light a candle, and sit with my partner metaphorically. He told me to imagine myself and my partner sitting in meditation across from each other in an open space. Once we met on this astral plane, I would start to see the relationship that we had formed together.
And I did.
As I sat by myself imagining the two of us, I began to truly see our relationship for the first time. I saw it as a ball of energy between us. I saw all of the beautiful bright colors of love; I saw the dark patches where our light had dimmed; I saw just how much energy we had both put into it. And I let the tears roll silently down my cheeks.
I sat there for quite some time just seeing this thing between us, this complete picture of what it was we had created together. When the time felt right, I began to send it healing light. I imagined this light bathing our relationship, cleansing it, healing it and filling up all the dark patches. As I did, I felt a lightness come back into my heart. I didn't try to think of an outcome, I didn't try to see details, I didn't try to send him healing—I just saw this thing we had created together and sent it love, light, and gratitude.
When I eventually opened my eyes, I felt a sense of lightness. I didn't feel panic or dread at what might be, and I didn't want to change anything or control anything. I was simply at peace.
An energy shift.
That evening, my partner called me and the energy between us had completely shifted. The effects of that meditation were almost immediate, even without him knowing what I had done. He came to me with compassion, softly, with genuine caring and respect. For the first time in months, I felt a sense that we could both breathe. The effects of this healing meditation were so immediate, I couldn't help but laugh and smile at the universe’s sincere desire to help.
Now I would love to say that we didn't break up, but we did. However, we did it beautifully. You see, healing doesn't always look the way we imagine it should. Healing truly means letting go of that which makes us suffer, and sometimes that means giving something up.
What I came to learn is that the relationships we have with people, with ideas, with habits...they are all their own entities, and because of this we can heal them without words, without working things out, without the other person even knowing.
This meditation freed me. It allowed me to see that I could leave that relationship suspended in time, and I would still be me because I was never living in that relationship; that relationship was living because of me (and my partner, of course).
Realizing that our relationship was, is, and always will be a beautiful creation between the two of us allowed me the freedom to feel separate from it rather than surrounded by it. I didn't lose that relationship. I merely chose to let the string go and let it float away and decorate the sky of my life.