Melissa Ambrosini is an entrepreneur, author, motivational speaker, and self-love teacher. Her mission is to guide people to live from the heart. To learn more about choosing love over fear and how it can change your life, explore her class, Manifest Your Dream Life: How to Bring Abundance to Your Career, Health & Relationships.
Have you met your inner critic—your Mean Girl? She's that nasty, niggling little voice inside your head that's constantly telling you that you're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, abundant enough, thin enough, whatever enough!
The thing is, all of us have an inner critic—the only difference is that some people have learned how to master theirs whereas others have not yet learned the right tools. And, as a result, their inner critic is completely running the show and ruining their life.
Here are five signs your inner critic is out of control:
1. You're constantly comparing yourself to other people.
"You'll never be as successful as she is." "Your butt is so much bigger than hers." "Why can't you be cool like her, instead of always being such a weirdo?" We say the most awful things to ourselves sometimes, don't we? If you know that lines like this frequently run through your head, you need to take action to learn how to master your inner critic so you can start living the life you desire.
Hot tip: Recognize that just because you've had these thoughts doesn't mean that they're true. For many of us, the moment our inner critic lets fly with a negative thought about how unworthy we are, we immediately take it as gospel. But this simply isn't the case. What your inner critic says to you is not your truth. Love is.
2. You never take time out to just "be."
Your inner critic thrives in busyness and constant action. Why? Because when we're busy, we're too distracted to notice that it's playing games with us. Instead, we just hear all her criticisms and take them at face value without ever stopping to dig beneath the surface and really get to know the games our inner critic plays.
Hot tip: Make time for stillness. Meditation is the bomb for quieting your critic.
3. You're always on social media.
This point is related to the above two tips. Social media is the perfect environment to compare yourself to other people. It's also a tool that helps us to avoid stillness—there's always another Facebook post to read or another Instagram pic to perv on. Which basically makes social media a prime feeding ground for your inner critic.
Hot tip: Give yourself a "digital detox." Have one day each week when you don't log into your email account or social media at all. (Get your partner to hide your cellphone if you have to. That's what I do.)
4. You worry all the time.
Your inner critic's job is to keep you in your comfort zone, which is precisely why she likes to fill your head with worries. Unfortunately, she has a tendency to drastically overestimate what could go wrong. That's why she insists on directing a constant stream of negativity your way—because it will stop you from standing in your power and realizing how amazing you truly are, which would put her out of a job.
Hot tip: When a worry arises, observe it, detach from it, let it go, then return to your truth—love. If that proves too tricky to begin with, try gently turning down the volume on the worry to lessen its impact.
5. You feel insecure in your relationship.
Sure, sometimes people can feel insecure in their relationships because they're dating someone who's not all they're cracked up to be. But most of the time, it's because our inner critic is convinced that we're not worthy of love, so she's constantly on the lookout for evidence that will prove her right. (Phew—what an exhausting way to live, right?)
Hot tip: Observe the things your inner critic says to you about your relationships. Then ask yourself, "Is this really true? Do I have hard evidence?" More often than not, with these simple questions, you'll be able to disarm your inner critic and disprove her worries.
How did you fare? If you recognized one or all of these signs, it's a pretty good indicator that you've got some work to do to make peace with your inner critic so you can start to live the life full of abundance, health, wealth, and love that you actually desire.