To be in relationship with others is an innate need for human beings. We are inevitably more content when our life features fulfilling relationships — friendships, romantic love, family.
In my work as a spiritual adviser, I encounter the same two types of people: people unable to find the ideal relationship, and people who do find that great, joyful relationship but can’t hold on to it. One of the most tortuous feelings related to love happens when you experience its depth only to see it make an abrupt exit. Thinking about “the one that got away” sucks, doesn’t it?
How many of you have experienced a breakup that destroyed your heart? I bet that destruction didn’t happen because you were too needy or desperate. There’s a good chance your relationship ended because you didn’t realize it was worth holding on to.
In my personal experience and through my work with a number of clients, I’ve come to this conclusion: Taking someone’s love for granted is the primary reason relationships end.
So, if you’re in an amazing relationship right now, pay attention.
Love is not all about receiving. True, authentic love is about giving. It involves surrendering yourself and supporting your partner to your fullest capacity. The below is adapted from my new book: Break the Norms: Questioning Everything You Know About God and Truth, Life and Death, Love and Sex.
"I want you."
"I need you."
"I desire you."
We often confuse these statements with love. A wife often stays happy as long as she gets nice gifts, weekly dates, and all of the other relationship “perks.” The moment this stops, she may feel ignored or unloved. The husband is happy as long the wife satisfies his physical and emotional needs without any interruption.
This cycle tends to be functional because both people in a relationship are happy when they get their needs fulfilled. The problem occurs when one party stops or gets bored with the pattern. The moment this exchange of services stops, the so-called love also stops. Over time, the love between couples is reduced to the demands and desires they put on each other.
Squeezing happiness out of someone isn’t love. We do this to each other because we have yet to discover the infinite potential of love that resides within us. When you take a moment to acknowledge the love in you, you release the codependent, draining relationship pattern.
To find authentic love, you must give authentic love. This doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice everything and become a martyr to love — only that you must fill yourself with so much love that it has no choice but to overflow.
When you practice this phenomenon, you become love. You will no longer have to rely on your significant other for happiness. And when you’re full of love, you’ll begin to attract other love-filled human beings who vibrate on that frequency. You may also attract those who are in dire need of healing. When that happens, heal them. Help them find the love they’ve yet to discover.
To get started on this journey, begin to meditate on your heart center every morning. Acknowledge your emotions and give them a positive outlet every day. Don’t run away from your emotions. Instead, mindfully watch their development and denouement.