Six years ago, I left my husband after years of enduring his cheating and betrayal. Shortly after he proposed to me, he sat me down and revealed that he had been unfaithful through our entire relationship. I was young, naïve, and already had 250 wedding invitations in the mail, so I stayed. One year after we got married, he cheated again, and then again. Once I finally walked away from the relationship, I thought I was going to suddenly be free to live life for myself again.
But even after I left my husband, my identity stayed with him. I was blinded by the emotional destruction my marriage had on my mental health. Instead of healing, I became numb. I distanced myself from my emotions in an effort to never feel the same vulnerability again.
My next relationship was on for six months, off for three, over and over again. I thirsted for the high of the honeymoon phase and once the flame fizzled, so did my desire to keep things going. It was an unhealthy relationship filled with betrayal, infidelity, heartache, and pain.
It wasn't until after I walked away for the last time that I learned why it had really failed. I realized that my inability to tune into my feelings about a difficult past had doomed it from the start. People can be emotionally unavailable for a lot of different reasons, but I believe that a troubled past is often the root cause.
During this time in my life, I was that intensely unattached partner. Here’s what I want you to know about dating an emotionally unavailable person: