We live in a world where people often think you have to be really pretty, slim, witty and smart to succeed in life. To get your dream partner. Your dream job. Your dream life.
Of course, being pretty, slim and witty probably doesn't hurt and it's always a good idea to keep learning and growing. But do know what I think makes the biggest difference between people who are genuinely happy and successful and those who are not?
Their VIBE! That certain-something which no one can explain but which is so attractive that it makes want to be around them.
When I was in my early 20s, I had the exact opposite effect on people! I used to suffer from depression, an eating disorder, co-dependency and bacteriophobia.
My self-image was so poor that I sometimes wondered if I was missing the gene that gave you self-confidence. I reliably bad-mouthed myself every single day. Constantly told myself things such as: I'm fat. I'm weak. I will never find a decent man and be happy.
Fifteen years later, I'm a completely different person, with a completely different vibe. And there actually many things I love about myself. This is how I found my very own je ne sais quoi:
1. I forced myself to think about what I liked about myself.
As already said, in my early 20s my self-esteem was pretty much non-existent. One day, however, I sat down to make a list of all the things I DID like about myself. In the beginning, it was tough. But then I thought a little harder and I put down:
- I'm a great listener.
- I have a talent for learning foreign languages.
- People often tell me they love my voice.
- I'm a good cook.
- I have a talent for design (plus a few other things).
I never would have expected it but the list I put together was not only surprisingly long — it also made me feel really good!
2. I defined my ultimate goal in life.
After realizing I'd always get the same old results by doing the same old things, I wanted to try a different approach. The first thing I did was define my ultimate goal in life. After all we can't put together a roadmap for our journey, unless we know the destination, right?
I was very specific and also described in great detail how I expected to look, feel and treat myself after achieving this goal. And I became more determined to get out of my misery!
3. I broke down my ultimate goal in life into realistic interim goals.
Because I had already failed so many times, I knew that overwhelm would kill my motivation and throw me right back to square one. To make sure this wouldn't happen again, I split my big goal into small weekly goals, always asking myself:
On a scale of 1 to 10, how certain am I that I can achieve this goal this week?
If I thought that a 10, 9 or 8 were realistic, I knew I was right on track. If I honestly felt that my chances were lower, I simply adjusted my goal until I saw a big: "YES, I CAN DO THAT!" right in front of me.
Guess what happened to my "vibe" after starting to accomplish one goal after the other?
4. I practiced visualization exercises every single day.
Whatever goal I set for myself, I visualized achieving it vividly every single day. I started and ended my days thinking about what I was going to achieve next. This way I always got out of and into bed with a positive mindset and my subconscious, which couldn't tell the difference between "real" images and the ones I created in my mind's eye, started to get used to my new reality.
5. I kept track of my victories.
No matter how great things were going overall, of course there were crappy days. I had moments when the nasty little voice in my head was trying to regain my attention and suck me back into my old ways of thinking.
But just because we are born to fail every now and then, it doesn't mean we're born failures! If a plan didn't work out, I tried not to beat myself up, went back to the drawing board and tapped into my creative potential (which had become pretty strong through my visualization practice). This helped me define new action steps.
Also, I made more lists and noted down everything which I was, were able to do and had achieved already. I forced myself to see and feel that I was amazing already. I heard a lovely buzzing that was telling me:
You are perfect just the way you are!
That's how I found it. My very own je ne said quo, which raised my energetic vibe to a level where almost everything I attract is genuinely positive and which helped me achieve more than I would ever have dreamed of.
Let me know in the comments what makes you proud of yourself and what's your goal for this week!
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