Women, Here's How To Make The Most Of Your Sexual Peak!
Sexual desire changes and evolves considerably over a lifespan. It's a complex and dynamic construct associated with many factors including environment, genetics, hormones, brain chemistry, sexual history, psychological wellbeing, physical health, and more.
The fluidity of sexual desire has been a hot button for debate ever since legendary sexologist Alfred Kinsey postulated in the 1950s that females reach their sexual prime in their early to mid-30s, while men reach theirs between 18 to 21. According to this theory, women’s sex hormones reach a peak in their early 30s, leading to stronger sex drive and desires.
Understanding a Woman’s Sexual Peak
While this makes some evolutionary sense, research demonstrating a physiological female sexual peak in the early to mid-30s has been relatively inconclusive. And yet, many women, myself included, continue to report a spike in their sexual energy around this age.
I believe that the female sexual peak has a lot to do with feeling happy, healthy, and comfortable in your own skin, in addition to being influenced by physiological changes. As we reach our 30s, many of us have reconciled some of the challenges of our 20s, becoming more balanced and more spiritual. It seems almost natural that feeling more sexually connected would become part of this personal growth. It has definitely been the case for me that the better I feel, the more sexually charged I become.
By this rationale, a woman’s sexual peak is not necessarily limited to the early 30s but can come at any time (and more than once!) when life is balanced and happy. As we connect to the Divine Feminine and cultivate deep self-love, our sexual energy will become more powerful and dynamic. For women reaching their sexual peak, orgasms may become more frequent and intense, touch may feel more sensitive, sex may become more playful and more meaningful, and so on.
5 Tips for Making the Most out of Your Sexual Peak
1. Let go of outdated gender expectations.
Your sexual peak can feel incredible, but some challenges may arise because we live in a society that is still rather confused about sex. Some Victorian-era beliefs about sex still linger in our collective unconscious, like the double standard that a man who enjoys sex is a player while a woman who enjoys sex is branded as a slut.
While we are slowly seeing more sex positive portrayals of men and women in the media, men tend to be overwhelmingly represented as the seekers of sex, while women are still portrayed as objects being pursued. As a woman who may be taking on a role of sexual instigator and possibly violating some outdated notions of femininity, just remember that you do not have to apologize for your sexuality! In fact, your sex drive is an incredibly powerful energetic gift for you to embrace.
2. Remember, the sex drive fluctuates.
When you're in a truly loving relationship, you accept each other through life’s transitions. It is totally natural for partners to have different sex drives at different times, as we will inevitably experience changes in environment, health, hormones or other outside factors that affect the sex drive.
Instead of being alarmed or upset about the changes, embrace the fluidity of sex drive as part of the natural and organic flow of love and sex. Play with it and explore it. When it comes to life, change is the only constant… Don’t fight it. Be compassionate and conscious of your partner’s sex drive and meet them where they are, instead of demanding that they change immediately to meet your needs.
3. Practice honest sexual communication.
It may be hard to articulate sexual needs when so many of us have been conditioned to feel shame and embarrassment about our sexual desires and bodies. When you merge your energy with someone, there should be a level of comfort where you can clearly voice what you want.
If you are struggling with sexual communication, or if your partner does not listen, this might be an indicator of problems to come. Be honest and hold the space for open dialogue by remaining emotionally grounded, calm and non-reactive. Respect each other’s needs by listening and acknowledging, and agree to make mutual satisfaction and sexual fulfillment your main goals.
4. Explore constructive coping strategies.
It is natural for women with high-energy sex drives to occasionally become sexually frustrated. Instead of getting angry or upset, explore constructive routes to diffuse some of the tension… especially orgasms! You can self-stimulate the clitoris and g-spot, or treat yourself to a new toy as there are so many to choose from.
Physical activities like running and cardio can also help drain the energy, and yoga and meditation can help calm the mind and relax the nervous system. Focus on loving yourself and feeling gratitude for your sexual body and all the joy it can bring you. Remember, your sexuality is a divine, sacred blessing.
5. Let sex serve your highest good.
Finally, all of this powerful sexual energy can bring on some pretty strong urges to get out there and enjoy it! In this swirling electrical field of passion, make sure that what you are doing serves your highest good. Sex is a sacred spiritual act as much as it is a physical and emotional one, so be present and make informed decisions, even in the heat of the moment.
If your partner is new, ask yourself if you truly want to merge your energy with this person. Whether you are single or attached, there is always an opportunity to make safe decisions and practice necessary precautions. Listen to your intuition before you jump in to ensure the best possible experiences in your sexual peak.
Kelly Neff, M.A., PhD, is a psychologist, author, founder of The Lucid Planet, and host of the AM radio talk show, Lucid Planet Radio. She has a B.A. in Psychology from Georgetown University and an M.A. and Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Claremont. She spent seven years as a psychology professor specializing in relationships, love, and sexuality.