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11 Qualities Women Want In A Man, According To Relationship Experts

Sarah Regan
Author:
March 29, 2024
Sarah Regan
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor
By Sarah Regan
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor
Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, and a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor's in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.
March 29, 2024
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Whether you're trying to woo a special lady in your life or reignite a spark that's starting to dwindle, the first step is knowing what the woman in question is actually looking for.

Of course, it's one thing to have natural chemistry, but that's not always enough to sustain a longterm relationship. And while every woman's needs will be unique and specific to her, there are a handful of fundamentals that are somewhat universal "green flags" to anyone who wants a healthy partnership.

What do women really want in a man?

If you really want to know what a woman is looking for in a man, your best bet is to ask her yourself!

But according to relationship expert Babita Spinelli, L.P., and Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D., a sociologist and clinical sexologist, these are the qualities many women tend to look for.

1.

Empathy

As Gunsaullus tells mindbodygreen, something she hears from women all the time in her own work is "how much they want their partners, their husbands, to emotionally connect with them."

And as Spinelli explains, "Women appreciate men who can understand and share their feelings and perspectives," adding, "A man who can empathize with his partner's experiences and emotions fosters a deeper connection and mutual understanding in the relationship."

2.

Reliability

A quote from the film, Daughters of the Dust, sums this one up nicely: "I wish I could find me a good man, Eula. Somebody I could depend on. Not that I’d wanna depend on him. Just to know that I could if I had to."

As Spinelli tells mindbodygreen, for a woman to really feel safe and open in a relationship, being able to count on their partner is crucial. "Therefore, they seek men who follow through on promises, show up when needed, and demonstrate consistency in their choices and actions; Reliability builds trust and stability in relationships."

And to that end, Gunsaullus adds, being able to rely on your partner is not codependence, but rather a healthy interdependence in which you build each other up and "create that safety for being vulnerable."

3.

Confidence

A little confidence goes a long way. Distinct from arrogance, confidence is attractive to women "because it can reflect self- assuredness and assertiveness," Spinelli explains.

A man with confidence is also reassuring for women, she adds, because it suggests he's well equipped to handle challenges and provide support.

4.

Accountability

According to Gunsaullus, men tend to be quicker to brush issues under the rug or ignore a problem. But for women, this won't fly, and many often want their partners to display accountability when something goes wrong. "So owning the impact [their behavior had] on the other person, and then you work on it instead of justifying it," she explains.

In other words, she adds, when a mistake is made, you own it and work on it. "And if a topic keeps coming up in your relationship, maybe pause and reflect on your role and responsibility in that," Gunsaullus says, adding, "Women want their partners to actually create a plan on how to address this stuff and not brush it under the rug."

5.

Emotional safety

Emotional safety is huge in relationships, and especially for many women. As Spinelli tells mindbodygreen, "Women seek men who create a safe and supportive environment for emotional expression. Feeling emotionally safe leads to the freedom to be vulnerable without fear of judgment or ridicule."

For a man to hold space for a woman to share her emotions, make room to understand her feelings, provide emotional support and demonstrate empathy when she expresses her fears, a women can then feel emotionally safe, "which ultimately creates deeper intimacy and connection in their relationships," Spinelli explains.

And according to Gunsaullus, emotional safety only leads to greater sexual intimacy, which never hurts either. "When we have that heart connection, it's then often easier for women to want to be open sexually," she says.

6.

Integrity

This one ties back to the idea of reliability, as well as accountability. Integrity is defined as "the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles," and that's a huge one for a healthy relationship, according to Gunsaullus.

A man who lives with integrity is honest and in alignment with his morals. It's not all talk, no action—or worse, talk with actions that don't match. "A man who is honest and acts with integrity cultivates trust and therefore, safety," Spinelli says, adding, "An aspect of emotional safety is trust [and] when a woman feels she can trust a man, she feels safe."

7.

Communication

Effective communication is vital for healthy relationships, point blank, Spinelli says. In her words, "Women value men who can express themselves openly and honestly, listen actively, and communicate their thoughts and feelings respectfully. This also cultivates trust and vulnerability in the partnership."

And women do tend to prioritize communication more, with Gunsaullus noting that even debriefing at the end of your workday is an important chance to connect and bond. "It's a way that women feel connected and safe; The deeper you understand somebody, the more you can connect with somebody, the safer you feel," she adds.

8.

Respect

According to Spinelli, mutual respect is essential in any relationship. "Women want men who treat them with dignity, honor their boundaries, and value their opinions and autonomy," she tells mindbodygreen.

Additionally, respectful behavior fosters "mutual admiration and appreciation," Spinelli adds, creating a foundation for a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

9.

Thoughtfulness

When we talk about thoughtfulness in a relationship, it's the idea that you're considering your partner when you make decisions, taking them into account in the big and small things.

As Spinelli explains, "Thoughtfulness is a powerful one that women want. What that means is, does this person keep me in mind? Are they thinking about my subjective experience? Is he demonstrating thoughtfulness in his actions, communications, and choices?" 

10.

Humor

Who doesn't want to spend time with someone who makes them laugh? Naturally, Gunsaullus tells mindbodygreen, some of the most fun you can have is keeling over laughing and wondering when you last laughed so hard.

And as Spinelli explains, many women value a good sense of humor especially when it’s aligned with their own sense of humor. "For women who want this, it is a quality they feel can help bridge communication gaps, lighten the mood at critical moments, and enhance connection in their relationship."

A playful and humorous attitude can add warmth and positivity to the dynamics in a relationship, Spinelli adds, and balances the mood when other stressors have added tension. In short? "Women love men who can make them laugh," she says.

11.

Ambition

Last but not least, according to Spinelli, many women are attracted to men who demonstrate ambition and drive. "A sense of purpose and motivation is inspiring for women, especially for those who also have a particular life vision and want a partner who can understand their own drive and ambition and desire for achievement."

The takeaway

Winning a woman's heart involves a number of factors that require continuous effort—but with a great return: their love.

If you can prioritize things like emotional intelligence, respect, and continued communication, you're doing something right. And remember, every woman is unique, so if you're still curious what she wants, don't be afraid to ask.

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