Consciously choosing the intent to learn about love is relationship-healing. Unconsciously choosing the intent to control is relationship-destroying.
Conflict gets lovingly resolved when both partners are intent on learning about themselves and each other. Conflicts often remain unresolved when one or both partners are intent on controlling.
4. You prioritize spending time with each other rather than always "getting things done."
Taking time to hang out together, to share your day, to cuddle, to make love, to play, to laugh together and cry together — these are all relationship healing choices. Staying focused on crossing off everything on your to-do list can be relationship-destroying. Couples thrive when there is time for connection, and they fall apart when getting things done consistently has a higher priority than connection.
5. You choose gratitude rather than complaining.
Having gratitude for the beautiful things about each other — the things that you first fell in love with — is relationship healing. Complaining, either about your partner or about things in general, is relationship destroying. Relationships thrive in the high frequency of gratitude, and wither in the low frequency of complaints.
Sometimes people try to connect through complaining about other people or situations, but this is connecting on the level of wounding rather than the level of love.
Loving relationships are all about connection, which occurs when you take responsibility for your own feelings, when you are kind and caring to yourself and your partner, when you focus on learning rather than controlling, when you take time to connect with each other, and when you share gratitude with each other.