What To Look For In A Partner, Based On Your Enneagram Type

The Enneagram is a personality-typing model that can help people identify their basic needs and motivations. Since self-awareness is essential when embarking on any new relationship, your type might also help you find a partner. But how do we find The One—or in the case of the Enneagram—The One through Nine?

Type Ones, also called The Reformers, have high standards and strive to improve the world. Because of that strong moral compass, Ones are often drawn to people with integrity. "They want someone to be exactly who they say they are," Paasch said.  

Type Twos, also called The Helpers, are generous and nurturing. Since they tend to sacrifice their own needs in order to meet the needs of others, mutuality is the key to a healthy partnership here. 

"Too often, Twos are offering love rather than preparing to receive it," Paasch said. "They need to find someone who knows how to challenge them to receive." 

Since they put so much energy into caring for others, it's easy for Twos to feel used or underappreciated. "[They] deserve someone who doesn't require them to be a caretaker," Paasch said.  

Type Threes, also called The Achievers, are ambitious and self-motivated but are also influential in motivating others. "Threes are next-level partners," Paasch said. "They seem to be able to do it all and keep up with everything remarkably well." 

However, when Threes become too focused on achieving their goals, it can cause them to become disengaged and apathetic. "Sometimes they need to be reminded to be present," she said, "and probably need to find a partner who doesn't live life at quite the [same] speed." 

Type Fours, also called The Individualists, are often highly self-aware but tend to feel disconnected or misunderstood by others. To combat this, Paasch said Fours should find a partner "with a high capacity for connection and engagement."

Despite their desire to be seen and known, they have "often built up a lot of walls...because of how often [they've] experienced rejection and indifference in relationships." Fours respond well to words of affirmation as well as acts of service. 

Type Fives, also called The Investigators, are insightful and strive to understand the world around them. In an attempt to possess knowledge about the unknown, the exploratory Fives can easily become uninterested in things that are familiar to them. 

Not only do they need space to explore new ideas, but "Fives need to find someone who will sit enraptured while they talk" about those ideas, "someone who knows when to ask good questions and when to back up." 

Type Sixes, also called The Loyalists, seek out security. They are reliable themselves and expect others to be the same.

If you're a Loyalist, "find someone who allows you to explore safely, someone who can ease your mind and show you dependable life-giving presence," Paasch said. 

Type Sevens, also called The Enthusiasts, approach life with enthusiasm and a sense of adventure. Because they are highly spontaneous and often impulsive, "Sevens need a reason to stay in a relationship...and not feel trapped," Paasch said. 

Partners who understand their need to explore will give them space to do so while also providing them with consistency. Paasch described this ideal partner as "big-hearted and chilled-out." 

Type Eights, also called The Challengers, are confident and assertive. They desire to maintain control of their environments, which often interferes with their ability to be vulnerable.

"Eights are often billed as overpowering," Paasch said, "when, in fact, they are big-hearted and sensitive." Finding a partner who will stand up for the inspiring and good-hearted qualities of an Eight will help them bring out those softer sides.

Type Nines, also called The Peacemakers, strive to create harmony by minimizing conflict. Because of their desire to maintain internal peace, Nines can be slow to invite people in, with the fear they might disrupt that peace.

Paasch advises Nines to take their time inviting people in. "Like, a lot of time," she said. "There is no rush." 

Commonly terrified of conflict, Nines should avoid partners who steamroll them, pressure them, or attempt to rush them in any way.