At some point or other, we've all been in a relationship that's frustrating, stressful, and filled with doubt. Then, when a relationship ends, getting back into one feels absolutely terrifying. Why put yourself out there again only to be disappointed? So much uncertainty, doubt, and hurt await that you decide you'd rather stay home and hole up with a good book than go out and try to fall in love.
Here are five things to work on letting go of today if you want to live in more peace, date more mindfully, and even have fun.
1. Let go of your mental chatter.
Your mind is an ecosystem of gibberish that has the ability to produce thoughts that simply aren't true. Your mind is imaginative and creative, so it puts you through a lot of unnecessary drama.
The only way to get your mind in check is to watch it. Your mind can be stopped if you realize the thoughts are being fabricated. Instead of believing its gibberish wholeheartedly, take a minute to watch it. Notice the process of the thought creation instead of wholeheartedly believing the false thoughts being generated.
2. Let go of what happened.
Your mind is a tricky gnome that believes that everything that happened in the past will happen again. It loves the pain and struggle of the past because the mind gets comfort from it.
Practice bringing yourself to this moment. For example, this very second you are reading this article, and it's a precious and pure moment. There is no pain, heartache, backstabbing, or cheating here. No one destroyed your life in this moment. If you treated every moment as a precious expression of time, you can date with presence and a strong sense of calm.
3. Let go of expectations.
You have a million examples of friends who are in long-term relationship bliss. You want to follow that exact same timeline and go through the same motions they did. Unfortunately, this can create difficult expectations.
You do not have to follow the crowd, and you don't have to have certain things happen at a certain time. You do not have to question and undermine everything that happens in your relationship because you have these unrealistic and unfounded expectations. You don’t have to date exclusively immediately, and you don’t have to meet each other’s parents over the holidays. Stop listening to other people’s experiences, and follow your heart instead.
4. Let go of trying to change the person.
What you get is what you have in front of you. The person is not going to become more or less of what you desire simply by you being with them.
Instead of focusing on changing the other person, focus on why that other person bothers you in the first place. What qualities and traits get on your nerves? What can’t you stand about the other person? Why does this bother you so much? What can you do to change your reaction to them? It has nothing to do with the other person. How can you adjust, accept, or live with the qualities that bother you?
5. Let go of time frames.
It's natural to want to follow a certain timeline, but don't let yourself fall into that trap. The surest way to live chaotically and without peace of mind is to follow a strict timeline. Remember this: There’s no rush in life. Everything will happen when it’s supposed to happen. Your frustration with the timing of things isn’t the problem; it’s your impatience with life happening exactly the way it's supposed to.
Stop putting times and dates on what you desire. Go with the flow. Let your life happen as it unfolds.
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