5 Ways To Spark Passion In Your Long-Term Relationship
Passion makes life good. It's the essence of desire: feeling excited! Experiencing a fire within you!
Unfortunately, passion often fades in long-term relationships (day-to-day life gets predictable … and boring), and while this experience is somewhat normal, by no means should we resign ourselves to passionless love! Because let's be honest; if we want relationships to last, passion has to be part of the deal. It's what keeps us intrigued, interested, motivated and coming back for more.
If passion has faded in your relationship, not to fear: there are things you can do to feel it once again. Here are five ways to ignite your relationship. Enjoy lighting that fire!
1. Take space.
Space is a necessary component for fueling passion in a relationship. Fire needs air to burn.
When we take space from the people we love, we inevitably long to be close to them again. This is a good thing! Notice that you have to separate first to want to come back together.
Hot relationships include waves of being close and waves of spending time apart. It's a dance. Sometimes the dance is a little uncomfortable, but believe or not, that discomfort isn't the worst thing; it can add fuel to the fire.
Consciously incorporate space into your relationship to heat things up again.
2. Leave room for mystery.
Contrary to popular belief, your partner does not need to know everything about you. In fact, it's probably better if he or she doesn't.
Sometimes we confuse intimacy with sharing every little detail. Intimacy is sharing the vulnerable parts of yourself with another person; and yes, this will produce a feeling of deep connection in your relationship. But divulging every little detail is not being vulnerable; it's just too much information.
Keep in mind that mystery helps you feel alive in a relationship. This doesn't mean you should withhold from your partner; it just means that you get to consciously decide what to share, and what to keep to yourself.
3. Prioritize passion in your relationship.
A common issue in relationships is that we want one person to be everything to us. That means that your partner is your best friend, business partner, co-parent, lover, housecleaner, and handyman. Unfortunately, the more roles we put a person in, the more diluted the relationship becomes.
If one of the main priorities of your relationship is to grow in passionate love, then you have to prioritize that experience above the others.
One person cannot be everything to you, and they don't have to be! This is why we also have best friends, parents, children, and a lot of other relationships. A charge can be reintroduced in your relationship when you start treating your partner like your lover, rather than your roommate.
4. Experience yourself as a passionate person.
Often we rely on other people to make us feel a certain way, rather than cultivating that experience in ourselves. If you want to feel more passion — in your life and your relationship — then you have to become passionate.
What turns you on? What excites you? What makes you feel alive? Do those things!
The fire that comes forth when you are experiencing passion makes you absolutely irresistible to others (and it makes life irresistible to you!). Through your passion, you get to express your creativity, love, heart and purpose. And this enlivens your life!
By committing to being a passionate person, you invite passion to enter all areas of your life, including your long-term love.
Passion inevitably dies down when the mundane takes over, and new experiences fade into the distance. Some people believe that this how long-term love goes. But I disagree.
Passion comes from having new experiences, and lucky for you, you're human, which means you're growing and changing all the time. If you can show up for the growth that's happening within you (and in your partner), it will inspire a passionate connection that renews itself over time.
A commitment to your own evolution is the fuel for a passionate life; your personal expansion will expand your relationship, too.
Again, passion is something that we all crave; life wouldn't be nearly as good without it. Commit yourself to a path of passion, and you will light up your relationship, and the world while you're at it.
Please leave a comment below telling us how you experience passion in your life and relationship. I look forward to hearing from you!
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves, and she's also the instructor of the popular mindbodygreen courses How To Become The Most Attractive Version Of Yourself and How To Attract A Partner.