10 Things I Wish I'd Known About Breastfeeding

When I was pregnant I spent weeks — if not months — on my registry, planning out every inch of the new baby’s room. If only I’d spent one iota of the time learning about breastfeeding: when to start (right away), how to take care of my breasts (steam daily, lubricate every time), how to increase milk supply (by pumping).

I knew being a new mom would be tiring but I assumed that was solely from the lack of sleep. I had no idea how physically draining it is to nurture another human being! Nursing burns about 500 to 600 calories a day — the equivalent of an hour run or three hours of yoga.

“People say, “It’s going to bleed, it’s going to hurt, you’re never going to be able to leave your baby,’” said Dr. Linda Dahl, ENT and author of Clinician’s Guide to Breastfeeding.

If it’s painful, she said, something’s not right — and despite popular advice, it’s usually the baby, not the mother. “Most breastfeeding problems — a sleepy baby, colicky baby, or pain — can be traced back to baby’s inability to gape normally.”

After having your breasts suckled on and stretched for a good portion of the day and night, the last thing many women feel like doing is having sex (even after they get the six-week go-ahead from their doctors). Not to mention ... who has the time?

That being said, breastfeeding is sexy. I know it sounds weird. But when you nurse, your body releases oxytocin, the same hormone released during orgasm. Your body also releases prolactin, creating a feeling of relaxation.

No matter how equal a marriage you have, and how much your partner wants to do, when you're breastfeeding, you’re solely responsible for the new baby.

The only way to spread the breastfeeding around is to pump. It’s a wonderful modern invention, the electric pump: it allows you to extract milk from your breasts and either store in the freezer for future use or put it in bottles so someone else can feed your baby (read: husband in the middle of the night). It will allow you to go back to work and continue breastfeeding. It also can help increase your milk supply.

But be warned: It’s not fun. If you’re at work or out, you’ll have to find someplace private to sit for 20 minutes, where no one will see you being milked like a cow. It’ s also expensive.

A very wise and practical friend of mine who is on her third kid has her mom (lucky her) do the middle-of-the-night feedings — with formula. “I need my sleep,” she says.

Most studies evaluate exclusive breastfeeding versus exclusive formula-feeding. Not much has been written about partial breastfeeding or mostly breastfed babies.

Besides, not everyone produces enough milk — especially if you go back to work.

A woman in one of my Facebook mommy groups was looking for advice on how not to use supplement even though her baby only gained an ounce in a month!

A friend of mine was going crazy for a month trying to breastfeed, facing not only supply issues but emotional ones. If your body isn’t producing enough milk. breastfeeding can actually release cortisol, the stress hormone, rather than oxytocin, the love hormone.

A lactation consultant told her it was more important to form a bond with her baby than anything else, so she stopped. Mother and baby were never happier.

On the other hand, Dr. Jacobs says, “If a mother wants to continue breastfeeding despite the struggles, then I try to assist with suggestions on how to make it work.”

A bunch of women in my mommy Facebook group were complaining about the judgments they got from nursing their toddlers.

Although the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months, followed by breastfeeding with food until the baby is 12 months old, it also approves “continuation of breastfeeding for as long as mutually desired by mother and baby.” The World Health Organization says you can continue breastfeeding “for up to two years of age or beyond.”

In the end, whether you breastfeed or not, why you make that choice, and for how long is really only one person’s decision: the Mother.

Don’t let society, your friends, or anyone tell you otherwise.