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The One Thing That Turns Your Partner On More Than Anything Else

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March 7, 2015

We all want to be attractive to others, especially to the people we personally desire. So it makes sense that you'd be curious what the biggest turn on to your partner is.

I bet it's not what you think it is …

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Why? Well, it has nothing to do with what you're wearing or what you look like. It's not about how you smell either (although smelling good definitely helps).

The biggest turn on to your partner is this one, simple — yet not so easy — factor:

Your partner will be most turned on by you when are being turned on by YOU:

  • When you're in your element and having fun.
  • When you're fully owning who you are.
  • When you feel whole, self-sustaining, and shining for the world to see.

Sounds simple enough, right? Actually, it is. But we forget that it can also be easy.

Most of us know how the classic relationship story goes: we become so focused on our partners, and trying to turn them on and maintain our desirability, that we lose contact with ourselves. Trying to turn on someone else can enable us to forget who we are. Outrageous how it works, right?!

The problem with this model is that we don't take ourselves into account in the equation. We lose ourselves when we aren't embodied or shining — our energy shrinks and we become obsessed with what's going on outside of ourselves. This effort to seek and find attraction from someone else is — ironically — how we become less and less attractive to others.

But don't worry — you can get yourself back. Here are five tips on how to turn yourself on, making you potently attractive to the one you love (and everyone else, too):

1. Breathe, baby.

Breath grounds you, makes you present, connects you to your body and your authenticity. It makes you go with the flow. It's a sensual act in it's own right.

When you deepen your breath, you deepen into you. It's that simple. It's that important.

So just breathe. Keep breathing. Let it be the anchor in everything you do.

2. Get clear on who you want to be (then practice being that person).

We become what we believe we are — this is undoubtedly one of the most important life lessons there is.

If you're not taking time to wonder Who am I? and Who do I want to become?, then you aren't fully tapping into the power you have over your life. You aren't fully engaged in being you.

It's only when we prioritize self-reflection and getting to know ourselves that we can fully embody our personal truths. You have to know your truth in order to live it!

So get to know yourself. Really well. Dream about who you want to be and what you want to create. And then … go for it. When you commit to your soul's vision, you shine in a way that is inspiring and irresistible to everyone.

3. Bring your attention back into your body.

This concept doesn't mean "turn the conversation back to you" at all times. It means: always keep a focal point of attention within your own body (I keep my attention on my heart; your solar plexus or gut is another place to pay attention to).

Here's why this is so important: Embodiment is the act of remaining conscious. It's staying present with how you feel at any given moment. When you're embodied, you feel present in your skin. As a result, you're highly attuned to yourself and to others. Full embodiment is necessary for deep connection.

We all know how easy it is to get distracted — especially when we desire attention from another person. But, if you commit to keeping at least a small amount of attention within yourself, your energy stays alive, and you remain turned-on. Win-win for everyone around you.

4. Explicitly ask yourself, "How can I turn myself on?"

I'm not necessarily talking about sexual turn ons here (although those are important to think about, too). I'm talking about the practice of noticing when and why you feel most alive. Ask yourself certain essential questions about what makes you light up:

  • When am I most myself?
  • When am I happiest?
  • When do I feel passionate and free?
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Find the juice in your life and then … go for it! And to be clear, the meaning of what is "juicy" in life is different for everyone. A mathematician might find juiciness in calculus, and that's still hot as long as it's authentic to him or her.

When you engage with life in a way that is authentic you, passion streams through your body. Your energy and enjoyment becomes contagious; there's no other choice but for other's to get turned on by your passion, too.

5. Remind yourself, "The real me is the most attractive me."

The real you is the most turned-on version of you. Always.

Here's something to remember about this: the real you is not narcissistic. It's not inflated or entitled to get other people's attention. Arrogance is definitely not hot.

What's attractive is radical self-acceptance. It's the humble energy of telling the world I know who I am and I'm not afraid to own it. This takes courage; it's something we all admire in others.

Do not be afraid to let yourself fully shine. Your passion and energy will always turn on the people around you, as well as the world. And — I'm sure we'll all agree — the world could definitely use more of that.

Please leave a comment below telling us the one thing you're going to do to turn yourself on this week. We look forward to hearing from you!

If you want to learn more about how I can help you turn yourself on to live your best life, sign up here.

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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT

Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves, and she's also the instructor of the popular mindbodygreen courses How To Become The Most Attractive Version Of Yourself and How To Attract A Partner.

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