This Common Parenting Fight Could Ruin Your Marriage. Here's How To Stop It

Too much candy. Going to bed too late. Giving in to the tantrum at Whole Foods. Too much screen time. Sound familiar? You and most of the parents on the block are having arguments about how to discipline your children. Not seeing eye-to-eye on when to give in, say yes, say no, stay up, go down are among the most common parenting fights around.

All too often, one parent complains about having to be the disciplinarian. They feel like they are often the ones saying things like, "stop, no, and not now" all too often while they view their spouse as being too permissive. This eventually wears on a marriage as their roles get established and the kids become keenly aware of who is more likely to give them want they want.

What couples don’t always realize is that our own childhoods, parenting styles, and current levels of stress strongly influence how we parent. It is not uncommon to have one parent who is authoritative and another who is authoritarian. So when it’s Saturday night and your 9-year-old wants to stay up late, the authoritative parent might explain why it’s important to stick to the schedule and the importance of sleep yet offer them 10 more minutes before they have to go to bed, while the authoritarian parent might just firmly refuse to consider it and tell them to get to bed.

The times when you back up your spouse’s decision yet you don’t totally agree with it are opportunities for you to reflect to your child that you can see how sad or mad they are and that you understand. You never have to disparage the other parent; you can just express your support. By having a plan in place for how to connect with your child, you will be less resentful of your spouse’s position because instead of avoiding the situation (making it clear you are not in agreement), you stay in relationship with your child, which will ultimately make the situation easier to handle for everyone.

At the end of the day, it's important to remember that partnering to raise your kids together is a challenging, rewarding job. Just as you might approach any other partnership being proactive, keeping the lines of communication open and compromising are some of the keys to ending the fighting around how to handle the common argument of how to discipline your children and protect your marriage.