Many of us are under the impression that relationships include an initial blast of bliss, followed by a quick decent into "the big fade." We believe that those first love-struck days are not only "unreal" (as in, not based in reality), but also aren't sustainable.
Well I'm going to have to call BS. Love is much more powerful than we give it credit for.
When we put the proper intention, commitment and work into our relationships, we have the ability to fall in love with the same person over and over again. In this article I'm going to tell you how. My hope is to create a shift in your perception to debunk the idea that love doesn't last, and replace it with the unwavering conviction that it does.
When We Say Yes To Love, Love Says Yes To Us
As Robert Holden so brilliantly states, "Love does not come and go; we are the ones who come and go."
Love is a force that lives within us. It can always be accessed if we're willing to do so. The problem is, we often turn our backs on love.
Why? Because we listen to the loveless thoughts that stream through our heads.
We think we're missing out. We think people and relationships get stale. We think problems exist in other people rather than in ourselves. We think love doesn't last.
Listen, your thoughts create your reality. If your belief system includes lots of negative, anti-love thoughts, then love isn't going to last long in your orbit (I'm sorry, but it's true).
That's the bad news. The good news is that if you train yourself to think with love, then love can become your new baseline. This puts you in a position to tap into love whenever you want! Anyone who's done so will tell you that there's nothing more constant and powerful than the force of LOVE.
Love lives in us! It's not in other people, places or things. Sure, outside circumstances contribute to our experience of love, but ultimately the amount of love you feel is up to you.
Knowing this, you must create an internal condition that completely supports love. Because when you make a commitment to love, love will definitely make a commitment to you.
You Can Have More Than One Relationship With the Same Person
It's important for us to remember that we never stop evolving; we're constantly growing, changing, and becoming new. Because of this there's always the potential to have fresh feelings for our partners, too.
As you move through time in your relationship, allow yourself to notice what's new and beautiful about your partner. Not only will this feel good to you, but it will also support your partner in becoming the best person they can be.
Ask yourself these questions: How is he changing? How is she becoming a fuller version of herself? How can I support him in being the best version of himself? How can I see the beauty of who she really is?
Notice your partner's true essence and support their growth!
A mind that's not trained to see with love will get stuck on the unfavorable aspects of others. But with some effort, you can shift out of that mode and begin to honor what's truly great about your partner. In doing so, love renews itself.
Love likes new beginnings. As fresh, exciting aspects of your partner emerge, so will newfound feelings of interest, romance and connection.
Love Deepens With Time
If we give love a fair shot, it has the opportunity to deepen with time.
I think it's culturally popular to make a declaration of love, then expect it to last. As if one day will keep you going for a lifetime. That's not how love works. Love takes a daily, moment-by-moment commitment.
Relationships are dynamic — they're alive! They breath, transform and dance. The natural ebb and flow of long-term relationships is to have periods of time when you're more separate, and periods of time when you're closely connected.
Unfortunately, many of us allow the natural disconnection that arises in our relationships to go too far. We lose touch and don't work on reconnecting. This is fine, of course, if it's what you want. But in some cases it doesn't have to be this way. We can make our way back together if we remain committed to love.
A micro-example is this: Have you ever been in a fight with your partner and found yourself completely restored and renewed after the make-up? Make-up sex is infamous! The reason for this is because it feels good to separate and then come back together (separation is a necessary part of the experience).
If we were completely head over heels in love 100% of the time, we would have nothing to compare that experience to. The reason falling in love all over again feels so good is because we know what it's like to fall out of love! Reuniting after an impasse is blissful. It's part of the natural course of long-term relationships.
Personally, I have yet to experience anything more gratifying than moving through challenges in my relationship, emerging stronger, more present, and more loving, with my man by my side. It's a true gift to evolve with another human being; to ride the waves of life and root into a deeper sense of love with every challenge you overcome.
When we choose to say yes to love, then love is unstoppable! If you're interested in knowing more about how you can make this type of love your reality, join me for my talk Transform Your Love at my upcoming event Soul Series. I'll be breaking down exactly what you need to do to get the love you've always wanted.
In the meantime, please leave a comment below! I'd love to hear how you plan on making your love last!
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves, and she's also the instructor of the popular mindbodygreen courses How To Become The Most Attractive Version Of Yourself and How To Attract A Partner.