How To Get What You Want Out Of Online Dating (Without Letting It Take Over Your Life)

Let’s face it: Being preoccupied with finding “the one” just sucks. You think about it nonstop, none of your conversations would pass the Bechdel test, and it creates a cycle of mania and self-loathing that's entirely dependent on male attention. You’re unhappy, and the people closest to you are tired of hearing about it.

The best way to date is to have a Zen attitude. Make “it will happen when it’s supposed to happen” your mantra. Not only will it ground you in peace, but you’ll send out good vibes to potential mates.

Sadly, dating apps are not built on this principle. They’re gamified—designed to be addictive.

But that addictive quality often results in quick burnout. Most people check the apps too often, and as you get used to the level of stimulus you're receiving, you have to up your interaction/investment to keep feeling the same kind of "high."

The time and energy that go into reading profiles and connecting with people via emails, texts, old-fashioned calls, coffee dates, etc., definitely adds up. On top of that, you might be juggling several “relationships” at various stages.

Don’t put yourself on too many dating sites at once. Limit it to two. You can’t possibly monitor correspondence and real-life meetings on more than two dating sites at a time.

If you start to feel consumed, exhausted, or discouraged, take a break. Delete all your apps and cleanse for at least 30 days. It’s OK to take a break every once in a while. It doesn’t mean you’ve given up completely. You’re just giving yourself a chance to reset.

Actual human connection isn’t something that you can find with one click or swipe. Remember that, for most people, meeting the mac to their cheese takes time. And don’t forget to look up from your computer or phone once in a while. You never know who may be looking back at you.