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5 Keys To Finding A Really Good Man

November 20, 2013

I'm recently single, and what I'm finding is this: There are a lot of good men out there! I know! Can you tell I'm pleasantly surprised?

I hear people complain about about the lack of quality men, but I have to tell you, I'm finding just the opposite.

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There are hot men out there! Present men. Kind men. Strong men. There's the whole package!

While I'm not ready for another relationship (and I'm doing some research for an upcoming eCourse on dating), I have to say that I've met several men who are definitely relationship material.

So who are these guys, and how can you find one? Here's what I've been doing and seems to be working well:

1. Show your depth.

Women, men love our depth.

Depth is the ability to feel the world around you. It's soulful. It's beautiful. It's real.

Women have such a profound capacity to connect with meaning in the world. We're naturally compassionate, heart-centered creatures. Men are drawn to this.

So what does depth look like? It's a little difficult to describe in words, but I'm going to try. I feel depth in my heart when I'm loving. I feel depth when I'm breathing and living in the present moment. I feel it when I care deeply for someone or something.

I encourage you to go there — into that deep space within you. I'm telling you, the good guys will follow.

2. Have boundaries.

Say "no" when you want to say no. Seriously. It's as simple (and as difficult) as that.

Boundaries are something that we all struggle with. We're scared of being rejected; we're scared of rejecting someone else; so we just skip the "nos" altogether. This never works out in our favor.

When you set boundaries, it shows that you have self-worth. It means that a man actually has to act like a gentlemen if he wants to hang out with you. And ladies, the gentlemen like this!

Any man who doesn't respect your boundaries is automatically disqualified. I'm serious — it's a good screening tool.

3. Receive him.

This is another concept that can seem a little elusive, but I'll try my best to explain what I mean.

A man wants to make an impact on a woman. He wants to feel important (don't we all?).

When you receive a man by listening to him, being engaged in conversation, laughing, etc., he feels like he's impacting you. This promotes a desire to be close.

Playing hard to get, on the other hand, promotes the opposite; it encourages you to be cold in order to hook a man in fear. This is just flat out manipulation. Because of that, it will never bring you the type of man, or relationship, you want.

4. Be authentic.

I know you've heard it before, but it needs to be said: Men find it very refreshing when a woman can be who she is, without trying to please or impress him too much.

We all know when someone is being authentic or not. We can feel the vibe in the air. Inauthenticity tends to feel anxious and awkward; authenticity feels real. And real feels good.

Of course, it's not easy to be authentic 100% of the time, especially in the presence of someone you like. But you can practice.

Hopefully we're all practicing living from our truth as much as we can, because it's the secret to a really good life.

5. Work on self-love every day.

Self-love is the foundation, baby. If you don't have it, you aren't going to find it with someone else.

It's crucial for you to practice feeling complete and content on your own. The myth that a man will complete you will leave you feeling incomplete, thereby leaving you desperately chasing after a man! Not. Good.

Do things every day that promote self-love. Here are a few practices that you can implement: meditation, exercise and eating healthy, journaling, being with people you love, gratitude, a desire to make a positive impact on the world.

Feel love, with or without a man. This will inspire a really good man to love you, too.

When you're out there interacting with men, remember this: the icing on the cake is the man, but girl, you are the cake! Please don't forget it.

There are great guys out there. Stay connected to your own greatness, and they'll come flowing your way.

Please leave a comment below telling us about the great men you know, and how you inspire them. I can't wait to hear from you.

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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT

Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves, and she's also the instructor of the popular mindbodygreen courses How To Become The Most Attractive Version Of Yourself and How To Attract A Partner.

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