How I Finally Got Pregnant Once I Stopped Trying So Hard

It wasn't easy for me to get pregnant. It didn't "just happen" as it does for so many people. We tried for two years, and with each month that passed, I became more and more obsessed. I charted my ovulation, monitored my diet, and regulated our sex schedule. The process of creating a life became more like a timed and tense business transaction, and my husband and I were both despondent about it. The fertility specialists couldn't find anything physically preventing us from conceiving, and we were looking at fertility drugs or IVF as the next option to try.

While I was trying to get pregnant, a friend of mine came for a visit. She had already decided that motherhood wasn't for her and started talking to me about all of the freedom, opportunities, and adventures that were open to me if I ultimately could not have children. I resisted the idea at first, but then, I started to imagine what my life might look like, child-free.

I had been looking forward to being a mother ever since I was a little girl, so I hadn't ever considered the option before. But now, I shifted my mindset from despair and dejection to a new inquiry I had never pondered: I'm not going to have children, so now what? And I actually started to get excited.

I believe that the saying "If you love someone, set them free" applies to more than just people—it applies to things and ideas. Sometimes we hold so tightly to the things that we want, we end up closing ourselves off. Because along with all of that desire is a fear that we might not get it, and it's pretty hard to attract good things into our lives when we're in a state of fear.

I was decorating our new home and I had my eye on this beautiful white couch. But I was holding back from buying it because I thought, We're going to have kids someday, and it's just not practical to own a white couch with children.

So the first thing I did when I gave up on getting pregnant was buy that white couch, and it was awesome. That was in May of 2005. In June, I got pregnant.

It was not timed, planned, calculated, or scheduled. In fact, when my period didn't come and the pregnancy test came out positive, I was a little disappointed that I couldn't follow my new plan. Of course, I was thrilled—and motherhood is great. But I truly would have been happy if it hadn't happened. As it turns out, it did happen, twice. The second one was even more of a surprise than the first. And that white couch did eventually turn a muted shade of brown from all the stains. But would the amazing kids that made the stains ever have come along if I hadn't bought that couch? Who knows!