No matter how bitter or heartbreaking your last relationship was, an upside exists. Your last relationship doesn't have to be your final one. Hope and possibilities await you.

Don't let fairy tales about love or the love in pop songs fool you. These things have given us false notions about love and relationships. No one is going to save you. No one is going to complete you. No one is going to heal you or make you whole. When we seek what we want in someone else, we're doomed.

We need to be reprogrammed. We need to toss out old beliefs and the notion of fairy-tale romances. If you have fallen hard in heartbreak, here are nine ways to rise in love:

1. Love in the present.

You will never find someone like your ex. It's high time to get over that person and stop comparing everyone with them. Release that past relationship from your life.

Release the memories, shared experiences, and desire to be together again. You can be grateful for the past while living for today. Loving in the present means not wallowing in the past and being open to what exists now.

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2. Love with an open heart.

After a breakup, you think you can outsmart love by shutting down your heart. The less you open it, the less susceptible you are to heartbreak. The more walls you create and the more resistance you have to love, the less likely you are to feel heartbreak again. But that also makes it impossible for you to feel love.

Loving with an open heart means letting go of resentments and judgment toward others. It means tearing down the walls so you can share your love with other people.

3. Love with experience.

When you forget the past, you shouldn't forget the practical lessons you learned about yourself, about relationships, and about other people. If you're going to open yourself up to another relationship, allow your experiences to be your teacher so you avoid the same mistakes and incompatible partners.

4. Love without expectations.

Often, you want control over what happens in a relationship. You expect a relationship to move at a certain pace. You expect your partner to behave a certain way. Your expectations will ruin relationships because no one will ever meet them. A surefire way to experience constant disappointment is to expect life to exist inside your expectations.

Instead of trying to control a situation, surrender to where you are. Let life lead the way. You don't need all the answers today.

5. Love from a place of wholeness.

Work on yourself. Heal your heart. Get help if you need it. Work through your grief. Heal the wounds of the past. Make peace with your emotional triggers. Learn new habits in relationships. Improve your communication style and develop better ways to show up in interpersonal relationships.

The only person you can change is yourself, so work on becoming the most emotionally, spiritually, and mentally healthy person you can be.

6. Love from a place of abundance.

Love is not scarce. You don't have to love with boundaries. You don't have to beg for love. You don't have to scrounge for love. Your perception of love and your underlying relationship beliefs often materialize. If you believe love is everywhere, that you can share it with everyone, and that you don't lose when you give, you'll have copious amounts of love in your life.

7. Love without attachment.

Often we fall in love because we are addicted, attached, to love. Without it, we are like fish without water. Love is the water. It is the air. It is everywhere. We have nothing to lose or hold tightly to. If you lose love, it shows up in another form. Love is all around us. You don't have to cling desperately to a love that is always there. It's within you.

8. Love from a place of humility.

Love doesn't define you. You are not better or more impressive because of love. When you're in a relationship, you may feel like you've "made it." You might see yourself as complete only because you're in a relationship.

False security stemming from a relationship is ego-based love. Unfortunately, this ego-based love is fleeting and destructive. Learn to love from a place of humility: giving, sharing, and loving just for the sake of it.

9. Love from a place of gratitude.

It's easy to complain when you're not in a relationship. But the idea isn't to complain about life giving you lemons and how all your exes are horrible people who intentionally mistreated you. You can acknowledge the problems with your past lovers while also acknowledging and focusing on what you are grateful for.

The more you reflect on and appreciate the positive qualities of your exes, the more likely it is you'll attract that quality in future relationships.

While you're at it, appreciate the beauty of being single. If you can appreciate life alone, you can appreciate it even more with a partner.


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