5 Tips For Dealing With Uncertainty In A New Relationship

So, here are five tips to help you tolerate discomfort rather than being ruled by it:

Like most people, you may believe yourself to be better equipped to handle ambiguity in a relationship than you truly are. You may think of yourself as someone who is cool with just hanging out and doesn't need a relationship defined, but actually, you can easily fall into a tailspin when patterns of interaction change. Knowing this about yourself is half the battle.

Embrace the not knowing, the lack of control. Think of it as something you want to make space for rather than push away. When you notice pangs of discomfort, observe where you feel them in your body as well as the uncomfortable emotions that you may experience and the challenging thoughts that arise in your mind. Allow them to wax and wane. Observe your process. Then actively take note of the times when your discomfort decreases and invite your nervous system to register that. This practice of mindfulness will enhance your ability to manage any challenging situation.

Sometimes, you just feel too overwhelmed by your discomfort and there doesn't seem to be any respite. Often, engaging in a positive, rejuvenating, or nurturing activity can get you through a hard moment (like when you're trying so hard not to text someone or feeling a moment of intense self-doubt). Doing any form of exercise, something creative, or something grounding can be a great distraction and allow you to alter your emotional state in a positive way.

You don't have to manage this alone. Most people find it helpful to reach out to a supportive friend or professional during emotionally trying times. Just talking can help decrease your discomfort and, thereby, the intensity of the urges to make poor decisions.

Remember, like most growth experiences, learning how to tolerate emotional discomfort becomes easier the more you practice. As you develop a greater ability to manage your emotions, you will notice yourself becoming more resourceful during the difficult moments in your relationships. And with that resiliency, you will become different in the world in general — more open to life.