More and more couples are realizing that meditation can be a “secret weapon” for staying together and thriving in their partnership. As a longtime meditation teacher, I’ve taught many couples over the years, and here are some key ways that I’ve seen relationships improve when both partners start meditating:
Many couples are either blind to the subtle changes their partners are experiencing or they ignore them, thinking that their partner will eventually revert to their old ways. But when couples begin meditating, they each tend to develop a more refined sense of intuition, which allows them to “see” the subtle changes within their partnership dynamic and address them before they become potentially problematic or, at the very least, adapt to the change.
Nobody likes being around us when we’re being needy or controlling, especially our partner. Stress compromises everyone’s ability to adapt to change, which is what drives the needy behavior in the first place—a lack of adaptation energy. As meditation releases stress, couples become infinitely more adaptable and, as a result, much less needy as individuals.
It’s easy to be compassionate when two people are feeling relaxed and not taking things personally—basically, the opposite of how we tend to be in our relationships. Nothing can push us to our emotional edge like relationships. And when we go there, the last thing we feel like being is compassionate about our partner’s needs. Meditation allows you to detect the thread of connection between you and your partner, which makes you both far more compassionate than you could be without meditation.
One common practice in meditation is observing thoughts without reacting to them. This skill becomes easier and stronger with consistency, and it’s not possible for you to practice being nonreactive in meditation every day and not have that skill translate into your relationship, where you have an easier time listening to your partner’s thoughts and opinions without being reactive. This results in your partner opening up and sharing more, which ultimately fosters closeness.
Increased sexual energy
Studies show how meditation can increase testosterone in men, which heightens our sexual energy. And both men and women who meditate regularly become more tuned into their hearts. As a result, both partners will bring more energy, excitement, and connection into the bedroom rather than just the same old script night after night.
You don’t need a study to demonstrate why meditation is one of the best things for a couple to do before having a potentially heated discussion. Meditation nurtures the feeling of unity as opposed to separation. And a discussion following a joint meditation will be a lot less contentious than one in which both partners are feeling sensitive and defensive.
Many times, couples live dual lives—there is the person you really are and the person you think your partner wants you to be. Needless to say, playing two roles can be exhausting as you’re perpetually afraid of being discovered in a never-ending play called the relationship. Meditation allows you to have an easier time being yourself, not taking things so personally, and accepting your partner for who they are, flaws and all, which fosters a more resilient relationship over the long term.
Of course, relationships can be complex, and even when both partners meditate, there may still be issues. But there’s a good chance that because you both meditate, some unnecessary drama and maybe a few boneheaded decisions will be prevented. And neither of you will ever know how much of both you were spared, thanks to your daily practice.