Gil was number 45 of the 67 men I dated after my divorce. Although we weren’t a good romantic match, we remained friends. With Patrick Dempsey’s good looks and a bold personality, he meets women easily. He also provides me with invaluable insight on the male mind.
Gil met his most recent conquest—we'll call her Sarah—at an elite gym in Manhattan. After the workout, he asked her a silly question. She surprised him with a flirtatious and feisty response. He texted her that night: "Game on." She responded two days later.
Intrigued, he texted her again. She waited another 12 hours to reply. Her unpredictability was alluring. On their first date, she revealed that she worked at a stressful job in finance. She told Gil that she liked him because he played it cool (unlike other men) and didn’t give her attitude about the protracted pace of her texting.
Their first date lasted until midnight. She invited him back to her house for a nightcap. They had intercourse—without protection—that evening.
I asked if he would see her again.
“Doubtful,” he responded. “Now, she is texting me all the time. She went from being really chill to going into overdrive.”
“It's the oxytocin—the body’s love drug,” I replied. “Early sex short-circuits rational thought. She is under the false impression that you’re a catch,” I laughed.
He rolled his eyes, then sheepishly admitted, “It’s not that I'm unaware—I am undeserving of the attention.”
My frequent collaborator (a licensed social worker) and I advise women to forgo casual sex if they are looking for a relationship. As a therapist with 20 years’ experience, Aimee is privy to the emotional devastation that often occurs when virtual strangers get intimate.