Marla was aflutter after her first two dates with Mike. On their first date, he took her to a romantic hot spot in Manhattan. They made effortless conversation until midnight. He complimented her new dress and called her “stunning.” He mentioned an upcoming vacation to Italy and said it would be wonderful if she came along.
Their second date was even better. Mike splurged on dinner at Blue Hill — the legendary restaurant where Justin Theroux proposed to Jennifer Aniston. Mike told Marla he was looking to “settle down” and have a serious relationship. They discussed their mutual desire for children. They shared food off the same plate. He kissed her over candlelight. They made plans to play tennis that upcoming weekend. At 34, Marla felt chemistry and attraction far beyond what she had felt with any other man she had ever dated.
Which makes the following all the more confusing — Marla never heard from Mike again.
Marla spent the next several months dissecting every last detail of the two dates. Did she seem too enthusiastic? Was she boring? Did she say something that turned him off?
The answer is that she’s not the problem. He is.
Relationships that fail to move forward are commonplace. But some dynamics are so perplexing that it makes otherwise rational individuals question their sanity. Some relationships, like Marla’s, will short-circuit after a few dates. For others, months (if not years) will pass before a woman or man realizes that s/he’s been wasting time with a partner who will never commit.
In our e-guide, Come Here, Go Away, we discuss how emotionally unavailable individuals may talk as if they are interested in a relationship. But their actions usually tell a different story. They're “yes and no,” forward and backward, “come here" and "go away.” Cross paths with an emotionally unavailable suitor and you’ll be overwhelmingly confused and frustrated.
Here are five tell-tale signs of that an emotionally unavailable person is wasting your time: