Rather than falling slave to your biology and attacking the one you’ve loved, you can make the radically wise decision to generate more love between you instead. My wasband was the one who began this practice and set us on the path of our own loving divorce.
Sitting in our mediator’s office, he startled both the mediator and me by declining royalties from a book I’d written while we were married, stating that he wanted me to benefit from the work I had done. Touched by his kindness, I followed suit by unexpectedly offering him the parting gift of the funds to furnish his new apartment.
Little by little, we wove something beautiful from all that was broken and have since come to re-create a wholesome, loving “expanded family” in which to raise our daughter.
The word generous shares the same root as genesis and generate — gen, which means “to give birth.” A generous act initiates new life, giving birth to beautiful new beginnings and liberating us from the cycle of reactivity and retaliation that often characterizes a breakup.
Defusing escalating negativity with a simple act of goodness will foster goodwill. It will help you protect the love that originally brought you two together. It will honor the relationship for all it has meant to you both, as well as the community of family and friends who care for you.