Love can be hard to define. We know when we feel it. We also know the difference between platonic and romantic love, but often we aren't quite sure why it is that we fall in love. There are many theories about how love comes about. For instance, attachment theory explains that we fall in love with those whose attachment styles complement our own. By contrast, Imago theory explains that we fall in love with those who will help us to evolve and grow toward healing our childhood wounds. But one common factor to falling in love with someone is that, for whatever reason, we choose to reveal deeper parts of who we are with this person.
1. Self-disclosure and eye contact
Often, in the beginning of a relationship, we self-disclose for the purpose of getting to know someone, and to be seen by an other. Initially, it is fairly simple to disclose information about ourselves, because we are usually talking with a stranger about whom we hardly know. Divulging facts about ourselves such as where we grew up and what we enjoy doing seems easy because these are facts that most of our friends and acquaintances may know about us. As time progresses, we may feel that there is less to disclose to a partner, but often this is because the information becomes more personal, making us feel more vulnerable.
In an experiment with strangers, Arthur Aron and his colleagues instructed participants to ask a set of questions to one another to test if self-disclosure could create an instant bond. This included questions such as: