About 10 years ago, I had the amazing and wonderful experience of finding, falling in love with, and marrying my soul mate. This man and our love changed my life and changed me. His love was like nothing I had ever experienced before, nor have I experienced it since (but I'm hopeful).
Meeting and falling in love with my husband Rene was a journey of self-discovery. It was also one of love, passion, fun, chemistry, respect, and spirituality. Really, it was all of that and more. Everything about the experience was a precious gift — to both of us.
Unfortunately, only four and a half months after we were married, our lives drastically changed: my husband suffered a severe allergic reaction to a bee sting that left him mostly immobile and unable to speak. After the sting, he would pucker for kisses and look at me with his big, brown eyes. He was still in there — but he couldn't talk, he couldn't move, he couldn't hold me, and we couldn't have a full husband and wife relationship.
My husband's ordeal continued for three years until he passed away I think I learned more about soul mate love in the time he was sick than when he was able to speak, hug, laugh, and physically love me.
So, here are seven key things I learned about soul mate love from finding, experiencing and losing mine.
1. Soul mate love actually exists.
To clarify: there is such a thing as soul mate love. It's wonderful, amazing, real, and even sometimes scary because it's so different from any other type of relationship.
I didn't believe it existed until it hit me smack dab in the face, knocked me over, and wrapped itself around me in the form of a wonderful man named Rene. You can't really look for it. It will come your way, and it takes knowing yourself accepting yourself and an open heart.
2. Soul mate love is spiritual.
Soul mate love happens beyond the physical and emotional level: it hits you in an ineffable, spiritual way that surpasses any other relationship you have ever had.
3. You and your soul mate are always connected.
There were times during Rene's three-year illness, when even if I was not with him, I knew when something was wrong and he needed me. I can't explain it, but I would sense something was wrong. So I would call the care facility and ask the nurses to check on him. And sure enough, something would be going on with him that required immediate attention.
At first, they thought I was crazy, "Mrs. Muñoz, we just checked on him five minutes ago." However, after a couple of times they realized we had a special connection that bypassed the limitations of proximity and then they would gladly see what was going on with him.
4. Chemistry is the result of soul mate love — not the cause.
This is important, because I believe that people sometimes get that feeling of chemistry confused with soul mate love. Just because you have an amazing attraction to someone, it doesn't mean that they are your soul mate.
The difference? Soul mate love is way more than than just chemistry. It will build you up, will stretch you emotionally and intellectually, open your heart, challenge your mind and spirit, and cause you to get a deeper understanding of yourself, your loved ones and of others. As the name suggests, soul mate love impacts your soul.
5. Soul mate sex is amazing!
Yep, I said it. I couldn't write this article without addressing it. It's just an outward expression of the depth of love you feel for each other, which takes it to a whole other level of interaction but it's in addition to your amazing emotional and spiritual connection, not the reason for your relationship.
6. Even when life changes, your love doesn't.
The difference between having a relationship with great chemistry and sex and being in a soul mate relationship is that your love is not based on the physicality of the relationship. When Rene's accident occurred, for the most part, he couldn't move. That means he couldn't walk, he couldn't hold me, he couldn't make love to me, he couldn't snuggle with me, he just couldn't.
But you now what? I fell in love with that man more and more every day. I loved him more at the end of his life than the day I married him — even though we only had four months of marriage before he became completely disabled. I used to tell him that I fell in love with the essence of him, his heart, and who he was, not what he could do for me (which leads me to my next point ...).
7. If you lose your soul mate, it is going to hurt.
You may be thinking, Duh: when you lose anyone you love, whether by death, divorce, breakup or something else, it hurts. But I have to tell you. I had been married for 16 years in my first marriage, had birthed two children with my ex and thought I knew the pain of breakup.
But the pain of losing Rene was beyond anything I had ever experienced. It was inexplicable. It rocked me to the depths of my very soul, leaving me feeling unbalanced and in search of how to live my life again. The good news is that I survived and you will too. And once you heal, you will end up moving past surviving and into thriving. I came out stronger, more open, and a better person, but I had to do the work to get there.
I describe my husband and my journey in detail in my book BeeCause You Loved Me.