The One Thing All Relationships Need To Succeed

Marriage and Family Therapist By Shelly Bullard, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves.

What is a foundation? It's the ground on which we build. Obviously if we want to build something that can weather a storm, it's best to start with a sturdy foundation.

So what's the foundation of all relationships? It is the relationship you have with yourself.

If your internal foundation is shaky — has cracks and holes (insecurities and negative self-concepts) — then the relationships you build on top of it are going to feel shaky, too.

However, if you move in the world with a solid sense of self, then you're less likely to crumble when things don't go as planned.

And things aren't going to go as planned.

When we're internally insecure, we naturally try to control the circumstances that surround us. Unfortunately, we fail. Why? Because it's impossible to control things that exist outside of us.

But there's another way: go within to find your strength. That's where your true sense of sturdiness lies.

So how do you do it? Simple (but not always easy): Know who you really are.

When I say this, I don't mean that you know your name and how you like to spend your time (although these things are important). I'm talking about going beyond that — knowing what your true essence is.

Know that you are magnificent. Know that you are supremely important. Know that you are worthy. Know that you are love.

When we know ourselves in a deep, spiritual way, we know that we are much greater than we give ourselves credit for.

Many of us identify with our wounds and faults: "I'm bad at relationships," "I'm not good with money." Or even worse, "I'm not very smart," "I'm not attractive enough."

Look, those things aren't the truth about you. Not even close. Those are your ego's stories — your limited self-concept. But they don't define the real you.

If you identify with your limited self-concept, then naturally you try to get other people to make you feel worthy. But again, any time you're depending on something outside of you to feel secure, you're in trouble. Because everything outside of us moves and shakes. That's the nature of life.

Know that there's a truth that exists beyond all these stories. This is the truth of your soul. It knows that no matter what, you are an amazing person.

Do you make mistakes? Yes. But underneath those mistakes is a desire to do better next time; to let the best version of yourself shine.

Things are going to shake you. People are going to try to convince you that you're not so great. Don't listen to them!

Build your internal foundation. Know who you really are and never forget.

You are nothing short of magnificent. Find this inner source of love and hold on tightly; it will keep you steady through all the changing tides.

Please leave a comment below and tell the truth about you. I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to...
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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a...
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