“You'll be happy to know that the universal law that created miracles hasn't been repealed." ~ Wayne Dyer
I had this revelation recently.
Jen's revelation: I am always waiting for bad news.
For the sh*% to hit the fan.
For the bomb to drop.
That things are not going to work out.
Here's an example: I wake up around 7:30 am to see four missed calls from my sister. Immediately I think someone has died. It is three hours earlier in Atlanta where she lives. I listen to the voicemail messages and realize it is my four year old nephew Blaise, who has Prader Willi Syndrome, "calling his friends.” He also says for me to come over and that he wants his school bus.
Sigh of relief. No one has died.
That is an extreme example of the feeling I am referring to, but one everyone can relate to. When a family member calls at the crack of dawn, isn't that all of our biggest fear? That they are calling with bad news? (Unless you hate your family, but that is another blog entry entirely.)
Someone says to me I need to talk to you
I think: What have I done? Am I in trouble?
I come to find out they just wanted to share that they got a new job, that they started a yoga practice and thought of me, that they got engaged, that they have fallen in love or learned to speak French. Whatever it may be, it is never what my subconscious immediately decided when they first said, "I have to talk to you." I had already decided someone died or I was to be fired or jailed or someone didn't like me or I messed up or some other piece of information that suggested I was a bad person.
Not all news is good news. We all know this already.
But who am I to be expecting this wasteland of horror?
I am someone who preaches positivity, who manifests anything I want, and yet, somewhere deep inside me I am still an eight year old who was just told her father had died in the night.
Ah! There it is!
No wonder. I will blame it all on my father's death. The end.
Not so fast.
I know better. I have to do a little rewiring, a little reprogramming, a little meditation, some more yoga and writing, but I am most certain that I can shift my thinking so that I can begin to expect the best, instead of the worst.
Some bad news when I was young surely cannot dictate the fact that the rest of my life will be filled with nothing but the same?
I do wonder why so many of us live like that, though?
Wayne Dyer told a story about how he asked people he was on a cruise with to go out and contemplate the wake. The wake is what the boat leaves behind. He asked them if the wake could drive the boat. They all agreed, "No." He asked then why so many live our lives as if the wake (our past) can drive our boat (our lives?)
Let's be brutally, brutally honest here. (A horrible expression if you ask me. Let's pummel each other with truth! Let's beat the crap out of each other while NOT lying!)
I talk a great talk, but, at the end of the day, I am still struggling with releasing my past and my old fear that a big bad dark future filled with bad news is waiting for me. Of course, this isn't always the case, but enough that I decided to take a good look inside and clear out some of those mindwebs.
Cobwebs of the mind, old dirty dishes stacked up in the corner of your soul.
Why should I not expect miracles?
They have certainly been showing up for quite some time in my life now? Why should I not expect to keep being as happy as I am right now, rather than expecting that it can't last, that no one gets to be this happy, for this long?
Well, excuse me as I ask myself something:
Well, why the Heck not?
So, the next time my phone rings at 4 am, I will for sure think that it's someone calling to tell me that they love me instead of a hurricane blowing my family's home while a tidal wave outside my door waits. Metaphor or not, the tidal wave is my constant nightmare.
Next time a change presents itself in my world, I will not assume it is a bad change. Next time I am dealt a card I know not what to do with, I will breathe and know with utter certainty that the answer is on its way.
I am taking my future back, with all of its glory and perfectly imperfect moments of happiness and utter joy. Sure, there may be bad news again. But, it will be as unexpected as falling in love, and I will surely deal with it with as much grace and spontaneity.