Finding your identity, your voice as I like to call it, is one of the most important components of mental and emotional well-being. This is what determines your boundaries and defines your edges — your actual shape.
Trying to please people might land you with vague acceptance from others, but it's only the deep and vulnerable truth of you that can provoke deep, genuine attachment and love.
In retrospect, it's clear to me why my relationships were so painful and unfulfilling at that time. I never let those people know the real me. I couldn't let them, until I knew myself.
I was passive, because I wanted to please others more than I wanted to honor myself. You will be hurt in these superficial relationships. You'll crave understanding and acceptance from your loved ones, but you can't expect them to tell you who you are. It's your job to show them.
When I worked as a life coach, I had my clients write down exactly what they felt without looking at their emotions through anyone else’s eyes or worrying about anyone else's feelings. The responses never failed to be touching and beautifully human. Our truth is so much richer than the diluted version of it that we actually share.