How To Use Lube: A Beginner's Guide, From Sexuality Experts

Personal lubricant, often simply called lube, is a liquid or gel used during sexual play to reduce friction between body parts or any part of your body and a sex toy. Besides reducing friction, lube can also increase pleasure and reduce pain or discomfort during penetrative sex, masturbation, or sex toy play. Whether you're engaging in sexual activity with a partner or alone, lube often creates an overall more satisfying experience by keeping you lubricated and your vaginal or anal tissue soft.

Importantly, using lube doesn't mean your body isn't functioning as it should. Sure, the vagina naturally creates its own lubrication, but there are tons of factors that contribute to producing less than usual or situations where you'd benefit from adding more. For example, menopause, aging, metabolism, hormonal changes, birth control, and the side effects of other medications all have the ability to affect your body's natural lubrication levels and increase vaginal dryness.

"While natural vaginal lubricant is produced during periods of arousal, people who menstruate often find that this amount of lubricant is insufficient for making sex as enjoyable as possible," shares Jess Barra, FNP, nurse practitioner for sex and wellness site Favor. 

The most universal of all the lubricant types, water-based lube is condom- and sex-toy-safe. "And if the first ingredient is water, it's typically low on the allergen radar," says sex educator and sexologist Goody Howard, MSW, MPH. 

Water-based lube also usually offers the most natural feeling, and it's the more cost-effective option, adds sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., sexpert for Lovers sexual wellness brand & retailer.

On top of being hypoallergenic and safe to use with condoms, silicone-based lubes also last longer than water-based options. Howard says it doesn't have to be reapplied as often, which is a bonus, because that means it "doesn't rinse off when someone squirts!"

Although silicone-based lubes have the benefit of not absorbing as quickly into your skin, Barra notes that the downside is they can erode silicone sex toys. If you bring toys into the mix, she recommends a water-based pairing.

If you're in the moment and unsure, try Howard's suggestion: Test it on a small area of your toy to make sure it doesn't have a chemical reaction.

Oil-based lube is the least flexible option—but our experts agree that it's the longest-lasting of any other type of lube. It's not compatible with sex toys unless they're glass or metal. Plus, Stewart says oil degrades latex, polyurethane, and polyisoprene condoms (including non-latex condoms). There are more restrictions with oil-based lube, but you can still use it during solo or mutual masturbation, or while fluid bonding with a partner you trust.

Here's one more reason to be careful with oil-based lubes: "Oil can stain your sheets, clothing, or expensive lingerie," explains Angie Rowntree, founder of sex-positive and ethical porn site Sssh.com.

Hybrid lubrication combines either water and silicone or water and oil in different percentages. That means you get to experience the best benefits of each ingredient—or "the best of both worlds," as Stewart says. For example, hybrids tend to be creamier and less sticky. Plus, water and silicone hybrids are less likely to cause irritation than purely water-based lubes, Stewart tells mbg.

Barra advises, however, to follow the same precautions you would for any water-, silicone-, or oil-based lube; no oil with condoms and silicone toys, and water may absorb faster. While some oil hybrids are condom-safe, always double-check the product to be sure. 

Made from all-natural ingredients, you can bet on natural lube to be clear of any harsh chemicals. "Most natural lubes out there are paraben-free, vegan-friendly, pH-balanced, and compatible with your silicone toys," says Rowntree.

"Unfortunately, though, natural lubes often lack in the longevity department," she warns. You'll likely have to reapply frequently and maybe even use more than you think you need.

This answer is simple: Use however much lube you think you need, but it's always better to start small and work your way up. 

Squirt a dab into your hand—something like the size of a dime—and spread it on the desired area. (If you prefer a warmer touch, warm the lube up by spreading it around on your fingertips first.) Add more as you get further along in your sexual play, and remember, you can always wipe off or easily wash away any excess. As you learn how your body responds to certain stimulation, knowing how much lube to use will get clearer.

Lube and sex toys are great on their own, but together? Undefeated combo. "Lube is necessary for optimal sex toy performance," says Rowntree. "For instance, even if your rabbit vibrator makes you aroused on sight, putting some lube on that rotating shaft or on the bunny ears is going to put you in orbit faster."

If even the thinnest and most lubricated condoms feel like they're hindering your access to wet, frictionless sex, consider adding lube to the equation.

Anal exploration requires lube. According to Rowntree, there's no way around it. "And never, ever in the form of Vaseline, butter, or cooking oil—or even the minuscule amount of lube in the package with the condom." No one wants a Last Tango in Paris," she says, so use lube for a safe and pleasurable experience. And that includes non-penetrative anal play like rimming, too. 

Lube's varieties also include kinds that help sex last longer, Rowntree tells mbg, "which is incredible for women who need more time and buildup to achieve orgasm." 

Here, a water-based lube won't cut it. It'll just wash away, says Rowntree. But it's definitely a must: Trying to have sex in water without lube can put you or your partner at risk for injury and/or infection. For "optimal aquatic intimacy," Rowntree recommends a silicone-based lube. 

Are you familiar with breast sex? It's likely you know this activity under a different name, but the pleasure is all the same. 

In general, not all lubes are created equal. Rowntree advises always reading the product packaging and considering your unique needs before making a purchase. And if you experience any allergies or discomfort with a certain lube, immediately stop using it and "move on to something else."

If you're concerned about allergies, Barra recommends silicone-based lube as your best option. 

The next big concern would be whether or not your lube is compatible with sex toys or condoms, says Howard. "Not everyone uses condoms [or] sex toys, but be mindful of what the lube is made out of when you're switching between natural play and sex toy play."

"Oil-based lubes can cause yeast to flourish," says Rowntree. "You might want to limit your usage of oil lubricants to contexts where there's no penetration."

The vast range of lube products often have different textures that will affect your experience, so try out new options until you get that silky, smooth feel. "But you might want to have more than one kind of lube on hand so you're prepared for all kinds of pleasure scenarios," says Rowntree.

Remember that lube can help enhance your sexual pleasure, and it doesn't at all mean that something is wrong with your body. Rowntree considers it the "ultimate sex-cessory," and says your goody drawer isn't whole without it.