Why You Keep Having Stress Dreams & How To Actually Stop Them
Is there anything worse than going to bed stressed and having that stress carry into your dreams? Stress dreams are far from uncommon, but they can be prevented. Here's what to know about them, plus how dream experts say you can work past them in the name of more restful (and less stressful) sleep.
Stress dreams versus nightmares.
First off, it's important to make the distinction between stress dreams and nightmares. While there can definitely be some overlap, therapist and dream expert Leslie Ellis, Ph.D., explains to mbg that these dreams exist on a continuum, with nightmares at the more intense end of the spectrum.
Stress dreams, adds professional dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg, are often more frustrating than truly frightening, particularly if they're recurring. And according to both her and Ellis, nightmares are more likely to wake you up in a panic.
A stress dream can be about anything remotely bothersome and even ordinary, whereas a nightmare tends to be "gruesome or life-threatening, and are frequently related to trauma," Ellis notes. Stress dreams are often "fast-paced and go nowhere, like a hamster on a wheel," she adds.
Common stress dreams & how to interpret them.
Since stress dreams arise from stressful situations in our waking lives, they will look a little different for everyone. With that being said, Ellis and Loewenberg share that these are a few common ones:
- Trying really hard repeatedly to do something and not being able to
- Being late for something important
- Losing something important (like your passport, or money)
- Failing a test
- Being in a car or other vehicle that's going too fast or is driven by someone else you may not trust (including yourself)
- Tornadoes or floods
- A fire in your home
And here are their expert-approved ways to interpret three common categories of stress dreams:
While some dreams can be quite literal, Ellis notes stress dreams are often more symbolic. So dreaming about working in your office doesn't necessarily mean you're stressed about work.
Work can represent our livelihood, our finances, and our greater purpose, so if you've been worrying about any of those things, it may show up in your dreams as trouble in the office or with a co-worker or boss.
Stress dreams related to school are very common, Ellis tells mbg, and can involve anything from being late to an exam that you never studied for, missing class, or not being able to find your locker, classroom, or homework.
According to Loewenberg, these dreams often relate to stress about your work life and career (even more than literal work dreams do). "For example," she says, "if you can't find your class or your locker, it can be because you're stressing out about the fact that you are not where you feel you should be in your career."
Ellis explains that stress dreams about relationships will often depict people in conflict: They can include a partner ignoring you or someone else failing to reach you, for example.
It's also not uncommon for stressful relationship dreams to include water because water tends to reflect our emotions, according to Loewenberg. "So, you might dream of drowning, a shipwreck, or a torrential downpour," she adds.
What's causing them?
It may come as no surprise that the cause of stress dreams is "quite simply, stress," Ellis explains to mbg.
There is a continuity in the way our thoughts run amok, whether we're sleeping or awake, she adds, and so if we're ruminating, worrying, or running the same worst-case scenarios through our mind repeatedly during the day, "this may also be the way we dream at night," she says.
Stress is closely related to our nervous system, and Ellis adds if that's out of whack, our dreams likely will be, too. "It is also a bodily felt thing," she notes. "I believe dreams are often images of our physical state and represent what's happening in our nervous system." The most important piece to notice is your emotional feelings during the dream.
If the dreams are recurring.
If you have a recurring stressor in your life, it's likely to show up in your dreams more frequently and often in the same way.
Loewenberg says if this happens, it's a red flag that you need a break. Take stress dreams as a sign you should give yourself some time off to recoup, take something off your plate, or practice healthy ways of dealing with stress.
With recurring dreams, Loewenberg adds that it's important to pay attention to the specific stress and emotion that's present. Is it urgency? Frustration? Fear? "That's a big clue, and it will be connected to that same specific stress in real life," she says.
How to stop stress dreams.
Recurring stress dreams are a sign you need to work on mitigating stress while you're awake—especially in the hours before sleep. This is easier said than done, but Ellis and Loewenberg shared some helpful tips for getting started:
1. Journal before bed.
Since we tend to dream about what we repress, it's no use trying to ignore your stress altogether. Instead, Ellis recommends setting aside a specific time to ruminate before bed. Loewenberg echoes this sentiment, adding that it can be helpful to journal about what's stressing you out at night, to help get it out of your head.
"Do make time to constructively deal with the sources of your stress," Ellis adds. "If there is a difficult conversation you need to have with a friend or family member, don't put it off. If you are feeling unprepared for something, put in the time." It's all about giving yourself a break, so your sleeping mind can get a break, too.
2. Try meditation or yoga nidra.
3. Look to your dreams for answers.
And if you ever find yourself aware that you're dreaming, Loewenberg says it can be really helpful to use that awareness to find an answer. You can quite literally ask your dream, What do you represent? or What do I need to do?
"Just throw the question out there to your dream universe, and you'll get an answer," she says. If you're not typically able to lucid dream, you can also try this approach in the moments when you first wake up and journal about it, she adds.
Better sleep and less stress are key.
To summarize, anything you can do to reduce the stress in your waking life should help keep it from sneaking into your dreams. Prioritizing good sleep quality can also help make your dreams a little sweeter. Here are some quick tips for doing both.
Tips for better sleep:
- Eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly.
- Don't eat a big meal too close to bedtime.
- Keep your bedroom around 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Avoid alcohol before bed.
- Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day—even on the weekends.
- Explore light therapy and limit blue light exposure after dark.
- Consult your physician if sleep is a consistent problem for you.
Tips for managing stress:
- Eat a balanced diet, and exercise regularly.
- Adopt a mindfulness or meditation practice.
- Work with a mental health professional if stress and anxiety are chronic.
- Grab your lavender essential oil, especially before bed.
- Sip a soothing tea, especially before bed, like chamomile, lavender, or lemon balm.
- Take care of things in your life that you can control that are contributing to stress, instead of avoiding them.
- Consult a therapist or mental health professional if stress is a consistent problem for you.
The bottom line.
Dreams can be difficult to decipher, especially stressful ones, but they can hold important messages about what needs to change in our daily life. Managing stress and optimizing your sleep routine will help you sleep through the night, mitigate those stress dreams, and help you wake up feeling rested—and ideally, stress-free.
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