11 Ways To Have More Romantic Sex, From Sexuality Experts

Sometimes, you want sex that goes beyond the physical: sex that's full of powerful emotions, simultaneously intense and tender, almost spiritual. Not just two bodies intertwining but also two souls.

Sexual romance is the experience of expressing feelings of love, passion, and care through erotic touch. So, to have more romantic sex, you'll want to find ways to communicate how you feel about your partner through your sexual actions.

"Romance is relative," sex and dating coach Myisha Battle, M.S., recently told mbg. What you find romantic might be different from what your partner finds romantic, which might be different from what the next person finds romantic. So, take time to actually ask your partner what sexual romance means to them, specifically.

This conversation itself can be fairly steamy. On an intimate date night, ask them about what intimate, passionate sex looks like to them. Ask them how they like to be touched and held. You're sure to enjoy the conversation that follows, and whatever else comes after that. "Talking about sex when you're not having it can actually increase the quality of the sex you have tremendously," Battle adds.

Sexual romance starts outside the bedroom. Because romantic sex is all about showing how you feel through sexuality, you first need to actually nurture that connection.

One of the simplest ways to cultivate sexual romance is to physically set the right scene for your intimate activities, according to certified sex therapist Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST. She recommends taking the time to create a romantic, sensual environment by attending to the five senses in your space. 

Eye contact can instantly make sex more intimate, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW. "Eye gazing can promote feelings of safety and attunement."

The yab yum, also known as the lotus sex position, is a classic Tantric sex position for a reason: It's incredibly intimate and involves creating a deep, spiritual connection between partners. One partner sits upright on the ground or bed, and the other sits on their lap and wraps their legs around the base partner. From there, sex and relationship coach Prandhara Prem, M.A., recommends engaging in circular breathing together: as one partner breathes in, the other breathes out, creating a "circular flow" of energy exchange between you.

In general, if you're actively cultivating romance in your daily life, you'll find that romance translating more easily into your sex life.

"Being romantic involves creating a sense of passion, anticipation, and excitement within a relationship," clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., recently told mbg. "Romantic partners don't need to be a specific personality type; they can be introverts, ambiverts, or extroverts. A romantic partner, however, does need to be attentive, thoughtful, willing, creative, and considerate of [their] partner's secret (and not-so-secret) longings."

According to research by John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., psychologists and founders of The Gottman Institute, cuddling is strongly correlated with a good sex life. "Ninety-six percent of the non-cuddlers said they had a bad sex life," John told mbg in a recent podcast episode, referencing a survey they conducted of some 70,000 people across 24 countries.

Continue showing care for your partner after the sex is over, so they know the intimacy you've just shared extends beyond just the sexual realm. "If one of you goes to sleep right away or puts on your clothes to leave, you're overlooking an important step, and doing so can lead to feelings of rejection and disconnection," trauma-informed relationship coach Julie Nguyen writes at mbg.

If you want a sexual moment to be more romantic, sometimes it's as simple as saying what's on your mind. This isn't about whispering sweet nothings but rather opening up to be truly vulnerable with your emotions. How does your partner make you feel? What do they mean to you? What do you love about them—their personality, the way they look, the little things they do that pull you in? Let them know, right there and then in the middle of the act.