13 Ways To Make Sex More Intimate + Intimate Sex Positions

Intimate sex is any sexual encounter involving a lot of intimacy between the partners involved. Rather than using sex as a closed-off means for pure gratification of the self, all partners are completely present in creating a shared experience of mutual pleasure. 

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to what counts as "intimate," since sexual and emotional variance between people is unimaginably large. One person's intimacy is the intensity of being flogged and humiliated by their lover, while another's is oral sex with the lights on. The key connecting factor is trust, security, and openness. When you feel completely able to open up to your partner and show them the private side of yourself that is usually hidden from the world, you engender a bond of trust from which intimacy can grow.

Try to incorporate more touch outside the bedroom, Prem recommends. "Especially now, we are more touch-deprived than ever. Don't just touch when you want to have sex. Touch throughout the day. Touch while talking or sitting and watching a movie. It can be a light touch as you laugh at something, or pinkie fingers touching. It can even be holding hands or hugging while watching TV or a movie or while walking."

"Mutual masturbation can be a great way to enhance connection with a partner. It takes a pretty high level of vulnerability to share oneself with another in that way. It also allows an opportunity for both partners to learn from each other about how, when, and where they most like to be touched," says licensed therapist Anna Dow, LMFT.

In the current pandemic, many people are cooped up with lovers and partners in ways that can feel stultifying. Dow recommends that partners "mix things up by adding in a bit of space. Sharing sexual intimacy at a distance through remotely controlled sex toys, phone sex, or video sex can be a good way to shift into exploring a new type of connection together."

Dow recommends anal sex as a good way to promote intimacy. "Anal play requires us to go slowly and tends to encourage even more frequent communication than other types of sexual play. That process can deepen intimacy for people in unexpected ways—attuning partners together in a vulnerable and delicate way."

Part of intimate sex is being able to have conversations about the sex you're having.

"Communicating about sexpectations is the key to increasing intimacy," says AASECT-certified sex therapist Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW. "By being open and clear about what your preferences are, the better chance your partner will know how to engage with you. Being vulnerable about likes and dislikes while practicing acceptance promotes emotional safety, an essential quality for elevating intimacy."

While it's very helpful if you already have an idea about the kind of stimulation you want or need that you can share with your partner, it can also be extremely intimate to be able to come to this knowledge together.

"It can be helpful to imagine how you interact with new lovers," Dow says. "Early in relationships, we tend to be more curious and experimental. We try out different types of touch and remain more curious about how they feel to our partners."

"To increase intimacy, or intensity, place a pillow under your pelvis, while you raise your legs up. Have your partner lean against you, using lube to rub against your genitals. Take your time to notice your body's response while having your partner's genitals against you and resting their shoulders on you," Brito says.

"If you want to engage in intercourse, slowly insert your penis/sex toy, taking your time not to rush but to appreciate your interaction. Pause to notice texture, temperature, and pressure, and share what you notice with each other."

This position, recommended by Brito, enables your partner to luxuriate in your hands on them and gives you the chance to marvel at their body moving against you as they pleasure themselves. Supporting your partner as they explore their body can feel extremely intimate.

Also called the lotus sex position, Prem recommends this tantric sex position as a surefire connection catalyst. Follow the instructions for the Eye Gazing Straddle, but then begin to engage in "circular breathing." This is where when one person breathes in, the other breathes out, and vice versa.

"This creates a circular flow going and allows you to exchange energy," Prem explains. "Being in yab yum allows you to connect the heart chakras. The other breathing that you can do is breathing together in and out at the same pace. This gets your heart to beat at the same rate, thereby allowing you to be more empathetic with each other and know what the other is feeling."