When Deidre's fiancé, Mac, suddenly ended their relationship by text message, she went into shock. The quintessential Southern gentleman, Mac had always been chivalrous, respectful, and loyal. Now, Mac was acting as heartless as the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz.
Who was Mac? Did she ever really know him?
Deidre desperately wanted to call Mac, plead for him to change his mind, and save their crumbling relationship. Failing that, she wanted answers. Was he having an affair with someone else? Did her success and stability make him feel small and unworthy? Had he been a complete phony from day one?
The sad truth is that relationships can end without providing a sound reason as to why. Any man who would end a relationship by text likely does not have the empathy or emotional insight to explain his behavior to Deidre's satisfaction. Chasing Mac with a bunch of questions would not provide the answers Deidre desperately needs.
In this moment of breakdown, I dropped the bomb on Deirdre:
Stop all contact.
It's true, going "no contact" is a bold move. But Mac was a drug in Deidre's system. It was time for her to detox—and reclaim her power.
While many dating coaches espouse "no-contact" as a form of manipulation (i.e., a bid to get your ex to miss you with the hopes that he'll come back), I believe it's an integral tool of empowerment. Strength is where your real power lies. You want to get to the place where you're able to say, "With or without you, my life is going to be amazing."
If you've been bawling your eyes out or hanging in limbo, it's time for radical change. During the first 60 days of no-contact (the minimum recommended time frame), you can expect the following: