Letting go of your ex following a painful breakup can be one of the most emotionally challenging, mysterious, and frustrating experiences.

To begin, we have to understand the heart.

The simple and complicated truth is this: Once your heart deeply connects with another person, it can be very difficult to let them go. So difficult, in fact, that even if you know they're not the right person for you, you still hang on because the depth of connection is so strong.

This connection may only be felt in moments. Or perhaps it was felt years ago and hasn't surfaced in a while. Unfortunately, none of that matters. All that does is say that the heart connection existed, and because of this, it's hard to say goodbye.

People remain attached to the person they've experienced the deepest sense of love with so far. We accept this love, even if it comes with a ton of hardship. We accept it, even if the person doesn't feel like a good fit. As a therapist, I personally don't like to pathologize this process; I don't think it's a simple self-esteem issue. Yes, of course, when you love yourself, you won't tolerate being treated less than magnificently. But I also know that it's more complicated than that.

In most cases, I think this scenario exemplifies the strength and conviction of the heart. We all have the capacity to feel deep love. When we exchange this deep love with others, we see them in an incredible light. This is called unconditional love.

If you've ever shared a moment of unconditional love with someone, then you know how powerful the bond is. Unconditional love allows you to overlook human flaws, which is part of the magnificence of the experience. That perfect moment is bliss!

And this perfection is not the whole story of the relationship.

The other stuff—the flaws, the humanity, the reality of whether or not the relationship works—are important details, too, ones that get overshadowed by moments of pure, deep love.

Yes, you may have loved your ex unconditionally.

Yes, you saw them at their best!

Yes, those moments were damn, f-ing good!

And yes, it's true, they might not be the right person for you.

This is one of the most difficult learning experiences in relationships. Luckily, there's a way through to the other side.

You need to take the time to invest in learning how to love yourself again after your breakup. Even if you think this is silly and you have all the confidence in the world, don't overlook this step.

You may not want to, but really leaning in and feeling your emotions is integral to letting go of an ex.

Saying goodbye to someone you love is sad. It is. So cry. Cry a lot.

Yes, you can love again. You have to know (it's called faith, friend) that you can and will feel a deep connection with another person. You can go further and deeper into love than you've ever been before. You just have to let go first, so then the new love can come in.

One of the best ways to let go of an ex and a relationship that's over is to imagine your next partner before they arrive. It's much easier to leave behind a relationship and a memory when you have something better to look forward to. It might sound awful right now, but it's true.

Then, when you get a clear picture of this person, fantasize! Imagining how good your next relationship will be will make it easier for you to let go of the past. We all deserve to be in relationships that feel good to us.

The process of letting go is hard, and you've likely struggled. You know you're ready to let go, and trust me, you can. There's no exact timeline for how long it takes to move on, so go easy on yourself and stay the course. Keep processing all of the above.