What INFJs Are Really Like In Relationships + Best Compatibility Matches
Compatibility is essential to a healthy and happy relationship, and from astrological compatibility to Enneagram compatibility, there are a few ways to gauge it. One of those ways is to check your Myers-Briggs types. Here, we're diving deep into INFJ compatibility. Whether you're an INFJ yourself or you're dating one, here's what you should know.
The INFJ personality type.
"INFJ" stands for introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging in the popular personality assessment known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). While INFJ types do fall under the "introverted" category, "they're very compassionate and are able to form strong relationships with those they trust, often serving in the role of a helper," says therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson, LCSW, CST.
These people are known for being complex and thoughtful, and they have a deep concern for doing the right thing and helping others. They're creative, imaginative, and able to turn their ideals into real solutions, according to Blaylock-Johnson. They're not just dreamers—they're doers, she says. She adds that they're also characterized by being able to manage emotions with logic, making space for both.
How INFJs behave in relationships.
INFJs take their relationships very seriously, clinical psychologist Kristina Hallett Ph.D., ABPP, explains to mbg. But while they do tend to be invested in relationships, "they really want to find the 'right one' that will allow both partners to grow and develop together." Integrity, honesty, insight, passion (emotional as well as physical), are hallmarks of this personality, she says.
Somewhat perfectionists, INFJs want their relationship to be a match made in heaven. And according to Blaylock-Johnson, this can lead to challenges with confrontation and holding unrealistic expectations for their partners (or even themselves). "Their introverted nature may keep them from making the first move," she adds, "looking for signs even if there are other indicators that someone may be a good match."
Overall, though, INFJs are sensitive to the needs of their partners, attentive listeners, and excellent communicators, she says. Just be aware they can have a hard time accepting criticism and dealing with conflicts, she notes, since they tend to take the role of peacemaker.
- High integrity
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- Sensitive to criticism (real or perceived)
- Can be hesitant to open up at first
- May have unrealistically high standards
- Lack of assertiveness
Types that would complement INFJs:
According to Hallett, an ENFP can be a great match for an INFJ, "since both have a focus on deep, authentic relationships and a primary importance on values." Their differences lie in their energy levels, enthusiasm, and activities, with ENFPs being extroverted and perceiving, and INFJs being introverted and judging. However, Hallett says, "They have the communication skills to negotiate this in a way that is supportive to both."
ENTPs are extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving. They can make a great match with INFJs, according to Blaylock-Johnson, "because the introverted nature of INFJs helps to bring some balance to more outgoing ENTPs." They can also give each other the ability to feel heard, seen, and understood. While they may seem different initially, these two have a lot to offer each other in terms of growth, balance, and reciprocity.
"If you and your partner are the same in intuition/feeling (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ), there's a greater than 70% chance of compatibility," Hallett previously told mbg. In the case of INFPs and INFJs, the only difference is judging versus perceiving, which can influence how you approach things. Judgers prefer things to be orderly and planned out, while perceivers are more comfortable being flexible and going with the flow, so that's something to be aware of.
Again, going off the compatibility of NFs, ENFJs can also make good partners for INFJs, with the only difference being their extroverted nature. It's important to remember that everyone falls somewhere on the introvert-to-extrovert spectrum. Being an "E" doesn't mean you're 100% extroverted; you may just lean in that direction. Ultimately, these two have a lot in common as far as values and how they see and understand the world.
Potentials for conflict.
Before you write someone off because they could be incompatible, Hallett makes it clear: "There's no such thing as a perfect match, and all relationships are unique—as are all people. The MBTI types are a means of getting to know yourself better, but as in all situations, don't expect yourself (or anyone else) to be 100% a 'type.'"
That said, she does note that ISFJs can be a more challenging match since the main focus for the ISFJ is stability, traditions, and a sense of consistency, making them less amenable to change. INFJs, on the other hand, "are focused on making the world a better place through reducing suffering and living by values rather than the 'way it's been done,'" she says.
Blaylock-Johnson says ESFPs, ESTPs, and ESTJs can also be a challenging match, with the overarching theme being INFJs may not mesh with an extrovert who is less intuitive.
Overall, regardless of who they're with, INFJs can be ultra-sensitive, reluctant to open up, and hold very high standards. All of these things can play out in a relationship, but with awareness and effort, they can absolutely be overcome. It helps that INFJs are thoughtful and good communicators, so these potential rifts certainly don't have to be deal-breakers.
Should INFJs date other INFJs?
While it always comes down to the individual, there's no reason an INFJ can't get along with another INFJ in a romantic relationship. In fact, Hallett explains, two INFJs can actually work well together as a couple. Just remember, there could be a tendency toward hyper-sensitivity.
"When good things are happening, this can seem like a match made in heaven with true understanding and a deep connection," she says. But when times are tough, "the opposite can be true, with the potential for defensiveness and withdrawal on both sides."
The bottom line.
All the compatibility tests in the world can't make up for the most important factors in a relationship: how you both feel about each other and how willing you are to grow in your relationship. Even the most compatible Myers-Briggs types will have things to work on, while two seemingly incompatible types can still have a healthy relationship. Nevertheless, whether you're an INFJ or you're dating one, it never hurts to know what to look out for.
Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Writer, as well as a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor's in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.