Dirty talk may feel strange at first as you pick your brain for the perfect dirty things to say to your partner. Relax a little—talking dirty isn't an exact science, and navigating it relies more on how comfortable you are versus how much you know about it. Here's how to talk dirty during sex, plus sexy things to say to your partner outside the bedroom to build excitement.
How to talk dirty with confidence.
Ease into it.
Give yourself permission to go at your own pace. You're on nobody's schedule to learn how to dirty talk except your own. Sharing your fantasies via text may be a better choice if you're not comfortable with any face-to-face play yet. (Here's our full guide to sexting, in case you're curious.)
Focus on what turns you on.
"Dirty talking isn't about it being gross or crude or vulgar," Shan Boodram, sexologist and K-Y's intimacy educator, tells mbg. "It's just more about, does it make you feel hot?" What makes a phrase dirty is how sexually aroused you get from hearing it. (Here's exactly how to turn someone on, by the way.)
Don't overthink it.
The dirty things you say to your partner should feel natural and flow with the moment. It doesn't have to be super creative; it just needs to feel good to you and your partner. "Good sex is supposed to be freeing and explorative," Boodram explains.
Let dirty talk elevate your sexual experience, not hinder it. The sooner you disregard the pressure you put on yourself, the easier exploring the sexual experience will be.
Avoid any specifics.
When you want to describe the moment for your partner, you don't have to mention their cup size or their girth. Something as simple as "I love your body" can get the ball rolling. And if you want to throw in a few adjectives, generals—like fat, huge, and wet—work really well.
Get comfy with your partner.
The comfort you feel in your relationship has everything to do with what you're willing to try sexually. "Talking with your partner(s) beforehand about your interests in dirty talk can be a great way to reduce the anxiety when you're actually in the moment," sex and relationships therapist Kamil Lewis, AMFT, tells mbg.
Communicate, explore, and communicate some more. A greater sense of intimacy can blossom in your relationship by learning how to talk dirty.
Refrain from judging.
Dirty things to say during sex.
To build anticipation:
I'm so wet/hard right now.
I don't have any panties on.
I need to feel you against me.
I need your lips against my skin.
Just wait until we get home.
I want your mouth on me.
I want you to fuck me from behind.
I want you inside of me.
I want to see you play with yourself.
I want you to undress me.
I want you between my thighs.
I want to taste you.
I want your cock in my mouth.
In the moment:
Caress me all over.
Come for me.
Kiss my nipples.
Grab my ass.
Just like that.
Pull my hair.
Look at me.
Talk to me.
Say my name.
Whisper in my ear.
Moan for me.
Stroke my cock.
Play with my clit.
Get over here.
You like that?
You feel so good inside me.
You do that so well.
Your cock/pussy feels amazing.
I love your body.
I love it when you grit your teeth.
I love it when you whisper in my ear.
I love it when you touch me there.
I love the way you moan.
I love the way you taste.
To finish with:
I love how hard you can make me come.
Your tongue is magical.
That was incredible.
You want to go again?
Sexy things to say to your partner.
Dirty talk isn't only for the bedroom. Here's some inspiration for dirty things to say to your partner to keep sexual energy flowing in your relationship.
I keep thinking about your body against mine.
I can't get you out of my mind.
Remember last night when we [insert sexual activity]? Wow.
What sex position was your favorite?
My body misses your [insert body part].
Thinking about you makes me want to touch myself.
When you get here, I'm going to [insert sexual activity].
I really liked it when we [insert sexual activity]. Let's try that again.
I can't wait to fuck you tonight.
I've been thinking about [fill in the blank] all day long, and I can't wait until we can [fill in the blank].
What do you think about doing [insert sexual activity] the next time we're in bed?
I've been looking forward to sitting on your face all day long.
I know it's been a long day. That's why I'm going to [insert sexual activity] when you get home.
That thing you do with your [insert body part] really makes me hot.
It makes me horny when you [fill in the blank].
You're always on my mind.
I want you so bad.
You look good enough to put in my mouth today.
You make me so wet/hard when you moan.
How to talk dirty on the phone.
Whether you're having phone sex for the first time or you're in a long-distance relationship, here are some dirty things to say when you're virtually connecting with someone. Pair with a long-distance sex toy to really up the ante.
Personalize these phrases to fit your relationship, and match the language you and your partner already use. Remember, one couple's vanilla is another couple's kink.
I wish I was there.
I wish I could hold you right now.
I miss the way you feel inside of me.
I miss the way you taste.
I miss the way your [insert body part] feels [insert verb] against my [insert body part].
When I get back, I'm going to [insert sexual activity].
I can't wait until I can go down on you again.
I'm going to fuck you so hard when I see you.
I'll rip your clothes off the moment I see you.
In the mood:
Thinking about you is making me so wet/hard right now.
I want to see you naked...right now.
Just hearing your voice makes me want to touch myself.
I love it when you talk like that.
Tell me what you want to do to me.
I want to feel how wet/hard you are.
Play with yourself for me.
Whisper dirty things to me.
Tell me what you want from me.
Questions for playtime:
What are you wearing right now?
Are you touching yourself?
Do you want to have FaceTime sex?
Are you alone?
Do you miss my body?
What else do you like when I do it to you?
Do you want to listen to me come?
The way you're sexting me is hot; want to show me what you're talking about?
I'm touching myself. Do you want to taste?
The bottom line.
The comfort you feel with yourself and in your relationship is a crucial factor in talking dirty. You already know the right dirty things to say to during sex, before sex, and after sex—all that's left is for you to go for it.
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Alex Shea is a storyteller and generational healing life coach with words in Byrdie, Verywell Mind, HuffPost, Shape, and more. Outside of publications, Alex writes stories that touch on, and sometimes intertwine, themes of grief and magic.
With a unique view on life, she taps into her own experiences to guide folks to live life for themselves, empowering them to explore their inner wild and find their own way in adulthood. Her weekly newsletter is a tiny way she furthers her mission to hold space for the unfathomable, romantic, and messy parts of life that make it that much more beautiful.