How To Break Up With Someone You Love, According To Relationship Experts

Before we get into how to break up with someone you love, let's first focus on the why. All relationships need to be nurtured in order to sustain them, after all, so how can you recognize when it's just not working anymore?

Firstly, you want to ask yourself if you've really given the relationship a fair shot. You might opt to take a break from the relationship and realize that you don't want to break up after all, or perhaps one of you is going through a temporary tough time that will pass. Maybe you're actively working with a couple's counselor, things are improving, and you both want to save the relationship.

To that end, according to licensed marriage therapist Weena Cullins, LCMFT, your overall well-being is the most important factor to consider when assessing whether to end the relationship.

"While all intimate relationships are subject to experiencing rough patches at different times, choosing to remain in a relationship that consistently causes you stress or compromises your physical, emotional, or mental health isn't the best choice," Cullins previously told mindbodygreen.

And as licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P., adds, it's entirely possible to know that someone isn't a healthy fit for you, even if you love who they are.

That said, if you can't see a future with this person, they're weighing you down more than lifting you up, or you're holding out for them to change, it's probably time to let the relationship go. (Here's our full guide to knowing when it's time to break up for more information.)

Breakups are incredibly delicate, so you'll want to prepare some mental notes or a script, of sorts, to prepare for the conversation. As Spinelli suggests, "Think about how you want to communicate why the relationship isn't working. If you need support, talk it through with a resource or trusted friend."

Find a time to sit down and open up the conversation. Choose a neutral time and setting where you can give each other your full attention, and calmly, compassionately explain where you're at in the relationship.

Breakups, at their best, can leave both people feeling seen and heard even though you're going separate ways. And an amicable breakup involves both people expressing their side of the story.

You'll want to set and hold firm boundaries throughout the breakup conversation(s) and following the breakup. As respectfully as you can, Spinelli suggests, "Keep your boundaries firm and remember why you're having the conversation."

She adds you should expect that your partner may need space or some time to process your decision, and you may, too, once you have communicated your feelings. "Be open to your thoughts, and come up with a plan together of how you will part ways," she notes.

As the breakup becomes solidified and you begin your post-breakup journey, it's a good idea to familiarize yourself with the stages of a breakup so you know what to expect. (Obvious spoiler: It's not an easy process.)

In some cases, you may move through these stages linearly, or you may loop back to anger or bargaining again, for instance. Plus, everyone will move through these stages at a different pace.

According to dating coach and founder of School of Love NYC Monica Parikh, no contact is the best route to moving on. It should last for a minimum of 60 days and includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

"It can feel like an extreme move when you're still working to get over a breakup, but the truth is that cutting off contact with an ex is the fastest, most effective way to truly move on," Parikh previously wrote for mindbodygreen.

Let's just be honest: You're going to have a lot more time on your hands once you're newly single, and that means more time to wallow if you don't find things to focus on.

"Even when it's a good decision," Spinelli says, "we might still feel sad, alone, overwhelmed, and anxious, so think about what you might need after the conversation."

Speaking of connecting with friends, breakups are a time when your loved ones can be your greatest supporters as you move through the stages of grieving your relationship and acclimating to the transition.

If there's one positive side to being newly single, it's that you can now take all the time, love, and energy you were pouring into the relationship and give it back to yourself. Focusing on yourself can look like any number of things depending on the person, such as doing some soul searching, reigniting a lost passion, or working with a therapist.

Last but not least, don't underestimate the impact a breakup can have on everything from your mental health to your daily routine. It's a major transition, especially if you've been together for a long time.