Advertisement
Want To Be More Social? Here's How, According To Experts + Tips For Social Skills
While professional pursuits give life purpose, moments of shared laughter, joy, and camaraderie remind us that we matter beyond our achievements, successes, and social standing. A well-nurtured friendship acts like a buffer against the uncertainty of life, and the comforting presence of friends becomes our emotional anchor, safeguarding our emotional health and well-being.
The longest study on adult life has confirmed the same. The data gathered over 85 years revealed that good relationships were the strongest predictor of lasting health and happiness.
As daunting as it may seem to step outside one’s comfort zone and interact with new people, it is an undertaking with enough benefits to be worth the effort it demands.
How to be more social
Boost your confidence through self-acceptance
Self-acceptance allows us to acknowledge our strengths and limitations without feeling flawed or lacking.
"Accept and embrace your personality traits, strengths, and weaknesses. If you are introverted or shy, don't try to change yourself or pretend to be someone else. Instead, acknowledge your preferences and needs and find ways to balance them with social situations,” advises psychologist Ketan Parmar, M.D., MBBS.
Self-acceptance creates an inner assurance that diminishes the fear of external judgment, and once we stop seeking approval, we can be ourselves and focus solely on forging genuine connections. Such confidence and authenticity appeal to others, inviting them to engage more openly and honestly, leading to stress-free, meaningful, and enjoyable interactions.
By embracing our authentic selves, we attract those who appreciate us as we are, creating a positive feedback loop that further boosts our self-image. It adds to our social confidence, enhancing social experiences and connections.
Accept more invites
Broaden your social circle by accepting the invites you receive. Even if the invite is for something new and unfamiliar, don't let the fear of not fitting in hold you back; Focus on finding a new friend or even just initiating a connection with someone new.
Licensed psychotherapist and chief clinical officer at D'Amore Mental Health, Gary Tucker suggests that, regardless of the event itself, to expand your social network, one must make an effort to attend social gatherings. “These events allow you to meet new people and broaden your social circle,” he explains.
If you are genuinely invested in finding new friends, establishing some regularity to your social outings is necessary, but don't agree to unappealing activities. Each accepted invitation will inform others of your interest in and availability for social gatherings, encouraging them to invite you to more events.
Counter discomfort with familiarity
You will find yourself in unfamiliar territories in your journey to be more socially active. The trick is to balance out the discomfort of the unknown with something known and pleasurable. For instance, if you’re meeting someone new, arrange your time together to be in a place you love. If you are trying something new, do it with someone you already know and like.
The desire for connection shouldn’t drive us to do things that feel persistently unpleasant. Such an approach is never sustainable. There are many ways to be more social—pick one that doesn’t place you under unnecessary stress.
“Recognize and understand your own social comfort zones and boundaries. It begins with an internal journey of acknowledging your fears and anxieties and working towards overcoming them,” Bayu Prihandito, certified psychology expert and life coach tells mindbodygreen.
Strengthen existing friendships
Research1 published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships has found that for two people to become casual friends, it takes roughly 50 hours spent together. Transitioning to close friendship takes 90 hours, and becoming very close friends requires 200 hours of quality time together.
You can use this knowledge to strengthen your bond with those you already know and, in doing so, create a supportive circle of friends and enhance your social life without the pressure of meeting new people.
"Sometimes, it's not about making new friends but rekindling old ones," reminds licensed marriage and family therapist Michelle Landeros, LMFT.
Volunteer
A study2 showed that while volunteering is good for mental health, the benefits stem from the social connectedness that volunteering promotes. As Prihandito says, “Volunteering not only contributes to your personal growth and sense of accomplishment, but it also opens new ways to connect with others.”
It creates an environment conducive to teamwork, communication, and empathy. With little effort, you become part of a diverse community that brings together members of different ages, backgrounds, and life experiences. Regular volunteer work can lead to frequent social interactions with people who share your values and interests, making your social life more vibrant and fulfilling.
Initiate conversations with strangers
Start looking at strangers as potential friends. Be it in a supermarket, the yoga studio, or the salon, engage in light-hearted conversations with the people around you. A positive response will add to your confidence, and if the exchange leads to a connection, it will add to your social circle. Soon, you will be surrounded by familiar faces wherever you go, giving you a profound sense of belonging and community.
"Make the first move. Don't wait for others to approach you or invite you. Instead, initiate conversations, ask questions, offer compliments, or suggest plans," Parmar suggests.
Host an event
Dive into the deep end of the social pool by hosting an event. It's demanding work, but the control remains with you. As the host, you control the environment, the guest list, and even, to some extent, the flow of the conversation. It’s the ideal setting to reconnect with old friends, make new connections, and solidify existing bonds.
The role of a host also puts you in the spotlight, boosting your confidence, enhancing your social skills, and attracting attention that can result in reciprocal invitations.
Join social media groups
As long as you're cautious of your safety and conscious of your boundaries, social media platforms can provide an easy way to socialize with individuals worldwide. According to a report published by Pew Research Center, online engagement, like participating in interest-based groups and discussion forums, can lead to real-life friendships.
When interacting online, we can be as visible as we desire, allowing us to release the insecurities of face-to-face interactions. We can exchange ideas, share past life experiences, and even advocate for causes that matter to us. Such interactions lead to social bonds grounded in mutual understanding and support. Moreover, online groups are usually very diverse, further enriching our social life.
Landeros recommends collaborative online gaming to be more social. According to her, online multiplayer games, especially role-playing ones, require teamwork and communication. They help you understand social dynamics. “It's a modern way to engage with others and improve collaborative skills,” she tells mindbodygreen.
Enroll in a class that interests you
Seek new friends in an environment designed to engage and promote the exchange of ideas. Joining a class is the easiest way to be more social. Interact with fellow students before class starts, during breaks, and share pleasure in the knowledge gained at the end of each class and continue the discussion over coffee.
What starts with an exchange of ideas can lead to other mutually enjoyable activities, and intellectual bonds can graduate to deeper emotional connections.
According to mental health physician and professor Ryan Sultan M.D., you can use the opportunity to find people who share your interests. “Take the initiative to start conversations and make plans with others," he adds. Learning in most classrooms is collaborative; It allows for easy communication, fostering a sense of camaraderie and bonding among participants.
A class is also a regular event, giving you the time to ease into new connections and cement friendships and bonds over a period of time.
Become a member of a club or group that interests you
Joining a club is better if you prefer something less formal and more free-flowing. “Participate in community groups or clubs that are aligned with your interests. It’s a natural setting to meet like-minded people,” says Prihandito.
You can join a club or group dedicated to an old hobby so that joining in feels easy. Joining a sports team, adventure group, or an activist group interested in creating can also be helpful.
You can also develop a new hobby as you try to find new friendships. Join a club dedicated to an activity that you’ve never done before. It will invite you to show up differently and add freshness to your interactions.
Meet new people through your current friends and relatives
Ask your friends, siblings, spouse, and other family members to introduce you to their friends and social network. Join them on outings with their friends and use them as a go-between with people you identify as kindred spirits.
When they get invited to an event, consider accompanying them as their plus one. Attend networking events and finagle an introduction to people they may know and who interest you.
Carpooling with current friends is another option that can allow you to meet new people. When you organize a meet-up, ask your friends to bring one of their (non-mutual) friends along so everyone’s social circle can grow and there is a new energy in the group.
And when you meet a new connection, be open and approachable. Don’t hesitate to ask for contact details if you feel a connection. Keep the conversation going without being pushy or overstepping your bounds.
Set specific and measurable goals
Whenever something is even a little complicated, our brain, wired to seek comfort, will do everything to avoid it. So, Parmar recommends, “Set realistic and specific goals for yourself,” and decide on a strategy as well.
“Instead of saying I want to be more social, say I want to talk to one new person at the party or join a book club that meets once a month. This way, you can measure your progress,” he adds.
There are many ways to be social; clarity around your goals will allow you to pick the best path. If you are seeking intellectual connections, socialize more with professionals. If you want deeper emotional bonds, attend classes, hobby groups, or discussion forums to bond with others over shared experiences and ideas.
Handle rejection with grace
Individuals fearful of rejection are reluctant to initiate social contact, start conversations, or express interest in others. Learn to view rejection as a regular part of human interaction, not a statement of your worth.
Gracefully handling rejection can enhance social resilience and willingness to socialize even without any positive validation. On encountering a negative social response, you bounce back quickly, tweak your approach, and try again with someone new. This attitude allows for healthier, happier, and more frequent social engagements, leading to a more robust social network.
Regularly refuel
As you step away from your comfort zone, wade into new territories, and engage in more social experiences, you are bound to feel some degree of exhaustion. To continue with your adventures, you must regularly replenish your energy reserves.
“This could include scheduling time to recharge, attending smaller and more intimate gatherings, or participating in activities relevant to their interests,” Tucker notes.
Regular self-care will keep your stress levels in check, help you maintain a healthy emotional state, and allow you to be fully present in your interactions and engage positively with others. So, as you focus on being more socially available, try bringing your best self to each new social engagement.
How to improve your social skills
Learn to use and read body language effectively
We communicate without words using facial expressions, hand gestures, mannerisms, and tone. Using open and positive body language puts others at ease, invites trust, and conveys openness and receptivity. When we correctly interpret social cues, we can appropriately adjust our response and communication strategies to prevent misunderstandings and project interest and empathy.
Maintain steady eye contact
When speaking with someone, making eye contact establishes a connection, projects confidence, and shows interest. By looking someone in the eye, you also show that you’ve nothing to hide. It adds to your persuasiveness.
Be a good listener
Indicate deep interest by allowing others to speak freely without interruptions. Ask thoughtful questions that encourage them to continue sharing. Such active listening creates a feeling of being understood and valued, forging a stronger bond and companionship with the listener.
Smile more
A smile is the universal language of positivity and approachability, and happy people are also naturally attractive. Smile to put people at ease and create a vibe of friendliness so the conversation flows more easily..
Master the art of small talk
As it is the prelude to deeper, more meaningful conversation, handle small talk with style and finesse. It’s an unavoidable part of social interactions, and if done well, it can be the first step towards a new friendship.
Let curiosity lead in a conversation and ask open-ended questions. You can make someone feel important and interesting by asking thoughtful questions and showing a genuine interest in their life. This approach endears us to others and makes us desirable companions for social outings.
Learn to introduce yourself with style and enough context to kickstart further conversation. Establish yourself as friendly but confident from the outset.
Be mindful of others’ boundaries and personal space
By honoring someone’s boundaries, you show consideration for their comfort and preferences. It creates trust and positions you as sensitive and willing to make a non-confrontational and relaxed environment for your companions.
Use a list of conversation starters and stay informed about current events and trending topics
First meetings can be awkward; To dispel those awkward silences, use conversation starters and initiate discussions around popular topics that interest most people. These tools can facilitate smoother interactions and give you the confidence to go into a roomful of strangers and engage them in captivating conversations on diverse topics.
Role-play to build confidence
Role-playing can be helpful if you struggle to be present and confident during social gatherings. Mentally place yourself in different social scenarios and rehearse your responses. It is a risk-free way for shy individuals to hone their social skills without engaging in social encounters.
Invite feedback
Ask others for feedback on how you interact and perform socially, and use that feedback to improve your social skills further.
Be empathetic and open-minded
The only way to forge a connection is through understanding and respect. Maintaining an open mind when socializing is necessary to avoid conflict and appreciate others’ perspectives. Empathy allows you to tune into their feelings and respond in a way that makes them feel included and valued.
Address people by their names
It makes people feel acknowledged and personalize your interactions. It creates a sense of familiarity and adds warmth to even a new connection.
Be generous with your compliments
A compliment is an effective ice-breaker. It also makes people feel good about themselves and draws them to you as the source of that feeling. Make your compliments specific so they are more personal to the receiver.
Improving social skills takes work and practice. For tangible improvement, seize every opportunity to socialize and consciously apply the recommended strategies. Over time, your ability to communicate and connect with others will improve, and you will become a much-desired companion with a rich social life.
Why are some people more social than others?
Apart from practical considerations like time, budget, and location, the degree to which someone socializes can depend on a blend of psychological, biological, and environmental influences.
Children raised in environments where open communication and social interactions are encouraged tend to grow into socially confident adults. Conversely, those who experience a lot of isolation, criticism, and repression in their childhood may find socializing challenging.
During adulthood, an individual's social performance and the positive or negative response it elicits can also impact social inclinations. People with many positive social interactions in their past comfortably move through society, while those who have faced a lot of rejection struggle with it. Someone's emotional and cognitive intelligence level may also impact their social behavior.
The difference between introverts and extroverts
Individuals identified as extroverts are naturally keen on and thrive in social settings, while introverts prefer a quiet and solitary life. Prihandito shares that for extroverts, social interactions are energizing. “They thrive in group settings and are often seen as outgoing and expressive,” he adds.
Introverts, on the other hand, find excessive social engagement may be draining. They're in tune with their inner world and disconnect and retreat within whenever they need to refuel. Introverts prefer intimate groups and deep, meaningful conversations to small talk in large gatherings. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't enjoy socializing—they simply like their experiences in different shades to what extroverts like.
In 2011, one conference paper divided introversion into four main types: social, thinking, anxious, and restrained introvert. The distinction was made based on how different introverts respond to social invitations, handle interpersonal interactions, and how they recharge their batteries.
Hans Eysenck's influential "Big Three" model 4shared that introverts have higher baseline brain activity, are more sensitive to stimulation, and can easily reach sensory overload in a noisy, crowded environment.
According to Carl Jung, the distinction is more about an individual's world orientation. Extroverts, as the term suggests, are more oriented towards the external world, while introverts focus more on their internal world and use their thoughts and emotions as energy sources. The Big Five Personality Traits (OCEAN) proposed that the behavioral manifestation of these traits is due to the interplay of various factors, including genetic predispositions, environment, upbringing, and even life experiences.
The important point is that regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, you can have a rich social life as long as you socialize in a way that plays well with your individual preferences, needs, and boundaries. More importantly, as Landeros points out, it's a spectrum, not a dichotomy, and it’s okay, even healthy, for introverts to maintain a few deep, intimate relationships over a vast social network.
FAQs
How can an introvert become more social?
Introverts should increase their social interactions in small, manageable steps. They can meet new people through mutual friends, which can be less stressful. They can join online groups and forums. Instead of making many new friends, introverts should focus on cultivating a few deep, meaningful friendships.
How do I improve my social skills?
As with most skills, practice can help you improve your social performance. Start by engaging in more social interactions. Seek opportunities to practice your communication skills and interpersonal dynamics in a structured setting. If necessary, join local groups, clubs, or classes. Ask for constructive feedback and take action on what you learn. Find someone with notable social success; observe them and try to emulate their style.
What causes poor social skills?
From limited emotional intelligence to developmental disorders, there can be various reasons for someone lacking good social skills. Social anxiety can lead to inhibited and jerky social interactions, while an inability to read social cues can make it challenging to establish empathetic, meaningful connections with others. Past rejections or social failures can be another culprit.
Why am I not sociable?
Inherent personality traits, social anxiety, developmental conditions, a repressive childhood, and even past rejections can be any number of reasons for someone's lack of sociability. It can also be as benign as a lack of opportunities to socialize or not finding like-minded friends with shared interests. Friendliness is subjective and depends on an individual's preferences, interests, energy, and comfort levels.
The takeaway
The people in our lives act as buffers against mental distress, enhancing our overall health and wellbeing and encouraging our growth. By socializing actively, you can create a strong network of support, love, and guidance.
Choose methods that play well with your preferences, energy levels, and boundaries to form new connections and deepen the existing ones. If socializing is challenging for you, take time to reflect. Self-explore to identify if you lack specific interpersonal skills, have chosen the wrong crowd, or need a little guidance.
Your inner and outer world will become immeasurably richer as your social circle expands. With each new friendship that blossoms, you will appreciate the value of being cherished and understood in a space you’ve cultivated with care and sincerity.
4 Sources
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407518761225?journalCode=spra
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407517716786
- https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0227799#sec021
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886916302562#:~:text=Fifty%20years%20ago%2C%20in%20their,both%20impulsivity%20and%20sensation%20seeking.
Watch Next
Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes
Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes
What Is Meditation?
Mindfulness/Spirituality | Light Watkins
Box Breathing
Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar
What Breathwork Can Address
Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar
The 8 Limbs of Yoga - What is Asana?
Yoga | Caley Alyssa
Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips
Yoga | Caley Alyssa
How Plants Can Optimize Athletic Performance
Nutrition | Rich Roll
What to Eat Before a Workout
Nutrition | Rich Roll
How Ayurveda Helps Us Navigate Modern Life
Nutrition | Sahara Rose
Messages About Love & Relationships
Love & Relationships | Esther Perel
Love Languages
Love & Relationships | Esther Perel