The Biggest Mistake People Make During Oral Sex, According To A Sex Coach

mbg Spirituality & Relationships Writer By Sarah Regan
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Writer
Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Writer, and a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor's in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.
Woman red lips and orchid

Oral sex is a great addition to your sexual roster, especially when done right.

The problem? There are a million and one oral sex techniques to try, and every individual will have their own personal preferences. And yet, some people assume that what worked on a past partner will work on their current one. That's not the case.

That's why, according to certified sex coach Gigi Engle, one of the most important aspects of good oral sex is talking during it.

Research studies have consistently found a connection between sexual communication and more sexual satisfaction. Talking during sex might seem awkward, but many sex experts assert that being vocal in bed is usually a good thing. That's true during oral sex as well, whether you're the giver or the receiver.

"When you're downtown, make noise," Engle says. "She wants to know that you want to be down there."

Why you should talk more during oral sex:

1. To set the mood.

Before things even get going, it's important for both parties to be in the mood and down to go down. This is as much mental as it is physical, Engle explains, noting that women in particular can sometimes struggle to enjoy oral sex.

"Women aren't openly encouraged to expect or enjoy oral sex," she notes. "There's an entire industry devoted to selling us products to 'freshen' our vulvas and vaginas because they are inherently 'gross'—it’s a crappy deal."

The best way to combat this, she says, is to be sure your partner knows how much you want to give oral sex. If you tell them how turned on you are by giving pleasure, how hot they are, etc., it will help them feel more comfortable—and more sexy—which means better chances at having an orgasm.

"Showing interest in what brings her pleasure is a huge turn-on," says Engle.

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2. To figure out what they like.

There's no one technique that's going to make every woman reach orgasm. Every woman's body is different, Engle notes, and different people may enjoy being stimulated in a different way. Communicating is one of the most surefire ways to get your technique down pat, especially if you're sleeping with someone new.

While you're going down on her, ask her what she wants you to do to her and/or if she likes what you're doing. Not only does this give you the intel you need to figure out what she actually likes, it's also just hot: "It definitely makes for some titillating dirty talk," Engle says.

And as the receiver, it's equally important to communicate what feels good and what doesn't.

3. To keep them in the moment.

For many people, particularly women, it's easy to get in their head and out of the moment, whether they feel self-conscious or are worried they're taking too long.

As Engle notes, a little reassurance here can go a long way in reminding them you're having just as much fun as they are.

The bottom line.

There are plenty of factors that go into good oral sex, and communication is definitely one of them. If you're looking to give better oral sex or deepen intimacy with your sexual partner, a little more communication could be what you're looking for.

Here's our full guide to dirty talk if you need a little inspo.

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